"Children's" films can be scary too
Everyone can pick some obscure, creepy flick from their childhood which scared them ridged, right? You know, the type of film you look back upon and think: WTF!? Who decided to market this shit to kids?! I once had a friend who was terrified from Postman Pat. Yes, I know, sad, but true. It's the size of his nose, she told me, it just like, completely dominates his face. And you know what? I can kinda see where she was coming from. So, anyway, I was just thinking (as I'm sometimes inclined to do), and decided to compile a list of the films which scared the crap outta me in my youth. Ahh . . . drum roll, please.
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Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)
Oh, c'mon, many a childhood nightmare was based on this guy! You cannot have a list of childhood villains and not have him making an appearance. Yes, it's that man in serious need of a nose job, the Child-catcher. Like a 60s wicked witch, he lures children into his hybrid wagon/cage-thing with the promise of sweets and other niceties. What a sneaky bastard. If it were a horror movie, you know the kids would get revenge, echoing The Hills Have Eyes. Jeeze-oh, at this point you're bound to think; "What an utter scum-sucking bitch! She's totally got a vendetta against people with above-average noses! I'm gonna rip her a new one!" Can I just point out that that isn't the case? I mean, I totally dig Tim Roth as much as the next person.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Where to start with this one? There's far too much material to work with here. Lets see, for starters there's the numerous 'disappearances' in Wonka's deathtrap of a chocolate factory. Witnessing Augustus Gloop getting sucked up the giant, chocolate tube-thing was a horrible image, made all the worse that Wonka simply didn't give a shit. I don't care what anyone else says! That man was cold! Aside from the Oompa Loompas, (who illustrated the onscreen carnage via sing-song), there is also the fuckin' demented boat ride down the fuckin' disgusting chocolate river, where we, the family are greeted to an image of a chicken getting it's head chopped off. Nice.
Return to Oz (1985)
Despite it's Oz connection, make no mistake, this film isn't like The Wizard of Oz. There's no Judy Garland nor is there the presence of happy, singing Munchkins. Instead, Dorothy is sent to some dodgy psychiatric hospital where she is given shock treatment in a desperate bid to cure her "fantasies" of Oz. And this is only the beginning, folks. There are strange, seemingly doped-up characters called Wheelers, who incidentally, have wheels in place of hands and feet. There's also the awesome Mombie, who has a collection of living heads, which she can switch around, like a collection of shoes -- fleshy, eye-rolling shoes. Scariest scene is of a headless Mombie chasing Dorothy, while her head watches on, commanding her strange twig-like body to catch her.
The Watcher in the Woods (1980)
Another Disney oldie that I haven't seen in ages. I'm certain I have the DVD lurking about somewhere, perhaps buried knee-deep amongst the other piles of DVDs scattered around the joint. If you like old, largely forgotten Disney movies, then this is one to look out for. The image of a ghostly, blindfolded girl appearing in the mirrors is unforgettable. A great Disney "ghost" story.
4 comments:
Something wicked this way comes is another one that scared back in the day. Voodoun,you need to check it, gurl. That headless woman in RTO was horrible.
Anna
I love "Return to Oz," and I remember seeing Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ('twould make a great porn title!) at the theatre when I was a wee lad.
Haha, Phil! We had a similar discussion in class, once upon a time. Although, the focus was more on another Disney title: Bedknobs and Broomsticks.
Have never seen Return to Oz, but now I want to.
Puppets used to scare the bejeezus outta, Chuckie was worse. But then again, he obviously isn't from a family movie!
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