Spoilers; Eden Lake

Right, so I wasn't really planning on writing spoilers. But, it seems like folk are actually wanting to know the gory details, so I've tagged them on at the end of the review. I have to admit, I ended up detailing the entire film mostly, but keep in mind that I've only seen Eden Lake once!

Basically, if I've missed anything crucial out, it's cool if you mention it. Just, you know, also be aware that I wrote it down in haste!

Eden Lake; Review and Spoilers

Movie Review: Eden Lake

Eden Lake (2008)

Dir. James Watkins

Warning; for this article, spoilers lurk at the end of this review.

Yeah, I know. I promised I'd have this review up, like ten days ago. I'm a very bad girl. But only in the nicest possible way. It's cool, trust me; your Mom knows what I mean. Ha! I'm only joking . . . yeah, the old jokes never ware thin in this household. Anyway, lets just get on to the movie review, shall we? Yes, I think we should. Preferably before I start spouting more bile.

'Feral Youth' is a subject widely publicised in contemporary Britain, particularly where the tabloids are concerned. You can normally find entire articles dedicated to Chavs/Neds wedged between pictures of Amy Winehouse's latest bust-up and a piece dealing with a gay Footballer. Yeah, the British tabloids are that flexible.

Okay, so the articles in question are generally classed as scaremongering at its shittiest, but these stories (believe it or not!) are occasionally derived from real-life occurrences. Right, I'm going to make another bold (and henceforth stupid) maneuver, and I am going to state this: I do not like Neds. If you're a Ned, I hate you -- well, actually I don't care about you enough to hate you, let's just say I express a strong dislike for you -- like mince. Yeah, you're like mince to me. Chances are, if you're a decent person, and you've ever encountered a Ned, you'll dislike them also. Oh, and btw, Ned stands for: Non-educated delinquent or something. Which fits perfectly. And make no mistake, the villains who roam James Watkins' Eden Lake are not like Burgess and Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange, where Alex and his droogs are running amok. No, these villains, (although it's still a standard Youth vs Age affair), aren't intelligent, cultured or witty. They're knife-welding, music-blasting, violent, little thugs. I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.

The film follows London couple, Steve and Jenny on a romantic break to Eden Lake (Dun dun duun), a beautiful, isolated getaway, where Steve (Michael Fassbender, he of Hex fame and CGI epic, 300) plans to propose to Jenny (Kelly Reilly). However, our couple soon cross paths with the local yobs, and early attempts at being civil soon deteriorate into a horrendous, bloody chase through the woodland.

What happens next is truly grueling and uncomfortable to watch. The scene where Steve is tied-up, and filmed via a mobile phone while various members of the young gang stab him acts as a prime example. It's like an article stolen from the pages of The Daily Record or The Sun, displayed in gruesome detail. It's up to school teacher, Jenny and her bloody flimsy shoes to save the day (watch the film; you'll see what I mean, man). Watching her character deteriorate onscreen is a heart aching affair as Reilly makes her so damn sweet.

The film is vicious and relentless; just as it seems like, "Oh that's a spot of luck. They're going to be alright", Watkins pitches his main characters further into a hellish nightmare. As the ending arrived, I was hoping for the standard outsiders-get-revenge routine, even though it is cliched. Sometimes, Eden Lake just seemed like one bloody chase. Of course, my opinion may be passed on the fact that the gang leader is just so unlikeable. Honestly, he's a smart-arsed prick, but fantastically acted all the same.

Of course, Eden Lake does nothing for rural working class communities, and it is a shame (perhaps some decent folk peppered around the narrative would have evened up the odds?). Instead, the youth and their parents are portrayed as nothing more than drunken, violent, snarling white trash. In this sense, the film retreads ancient ground, touching upon films such as Straw Dogs (which follows similar ideas of intelligent outsiders being victimised by primitive locals), Last House on the Left and I Spit On Your Grave, sharing a similar sense of barbarity and gritty, hopeless characters.

Eden Lake's ending is bleak and raw, and for me, that is the films downfall; although it isn't a bad film, not by any means, it also isn't enjoyable or entertaining. The protagonists struggle through every frame, and we feel as though we're trudging along with them, on the edge, heart pounding, wondering when it will all end. Still, Eden Lake is a brilliant slice of modern-day horror, representing a fear relevant in contemporary Britain.

Here be spoilers;

Steve and Jenny have travelled to Eden Lake, a quiet, isolated venture in the countryside. Steve's apparently visited before, and thinks it's the ideal place to propose. They walk through the woodlands, obviously happy. Jenny sees a young boy doing some sort of Biology homework. She tries to talk to him, but he says his mum says he's not supposed to speak to strangers. Jenny smiles, and leaves him to finish his work.

Upon getting there, they're disappointed to see a group of teenagers hanging around, listening to music while their rottweiler barks at Jenny. But, undeterred, our couple begin to relax. It isn't until later, that the youth let their dog off its leash, and laugh as it barks at Jenny further, snarling in her face. Steve has had enough; he approaches the gang, and asks them to control their pet, albeit in a civil manner. They laugh at him, and throw insults.

Later that night, Jenny gets the feeling someone is watching them. She asks Steven to go outside their tent and check. He comes back laughing; there's no one there. After their second night, Steve wakes up to find that someone has stolen his bag -- where he kept his car keys and mobile phone. Clearly pissed-off, he's even more distraught to find that his Jeep is gone. Walking through the woods, they hear the roar of an engine, and Steve's jeep comes crashing through the woods, nearly running into Jenny.

They find the young gang at a fire, drinking. It's obvious they've stolen the car, and Steve's mobile -- the leader is even wearing Steve's sunglasses. The rottweiler is chained, but barks as he approaches. Steve calmly asks for his stuff back. The youths draw pocketknives, and a fight breaks out -- the leader's rottweiler is accidentally killed by Steve. The couple somehow get into the car and put the foot down. In the dark, with the headlights broken, Steve crashes. Stuck and badly hurt, he persuades Jenny to run and get help, but with the gang looking for her, she hides until morning.

The morning after, Jenny sneaks around the woodland, and eventually finds the jeep; Steve is gone. She finds him tied to a tree-trunk, the gang around him, the leader snarling in his face; he's threatening to kill Jenny when he finds her. The leader then gets everyone else to stab Steve, while the female of the gang films it on her mobile phone. This is to further ensure that everyone is involved now. As Steve is badly injured, the gang find Jenny and chase her.

Steve escapes, and runs into Jenny. It's obvious that he's seriously wounded -- perhaps dying, but Jenny helps him, and they hide in a hut by the lake. He then tells her that he was planning on asking her to marry him, and he starts talking about their future honeymoon. Jenny tells him she will marry him, but she'll have to get help first. She leaves him hidden amongst the long grass by the lake.

Encountering the young boy she'd previously met, Jenny asks him to use his phone to get her help. He says he can't get a signal, but his mum's coming to pick him up, and she can get help then. It's obvious the boy is lying; he tells Jenny he's playing a game on his phone, but she discovers that he's sent a text, straight to the gang. They arrive, attack Jenny and knock her out.

When she awake, she find herself tied down, beside her lies Steve --who's now dead. The leader douses them in gasoline, and tries to get the young boy to light her. The leader says he can join the gang, if he does. The boy panics, and says no. Steve is set alight. Jenny screams as she watches him burn beside her, feeling the heat of the fire spread alongside her. Again everything is filmed via mobile phone. The leader looses patience with the young boy, and starts to douse him in gasoline. The fire burns away the rope, and Jenny runs away. She hears the young boy scream as he too, is set alight.

Jenny is now a mess; she's bloody, caked in mud and completely broken. She's like a mad woman, wandering about the woodland. She grabs a shard of glass, and one of the younger gang members approaches her, alone. She turns round and stabs him in the neck, and then realisation grips her; she holds the boy, sobbing and apologising. But it's too late. He dies.

The leader is loosing the respect of his gang; the young boy that Jenny killed has been found. Another boy says he's leaving; the leader beats him up, possibly killing him. The girl with the mobile phone runs into the woodland. She's had too much as well.

Jenny falls into a road, and his nearly run over. The car stops, and gives her a lift. The man tells her that he's coming to pick up his brother. Jenny demands to be let out; he's the brother of one of the gang members, and he'll possibly kill her. He doesn't know what she's on about, but he stops the car when he sees a boy, a gang member emerge from the woodlands. Jenny takes her opportunity and steals the car.

She's driving along, and the female gang member run out into her path. Jenny puts her foot down, running her over, and killing her. Weak, she makes it into town, but crashes the car. She stumbles out, and comes across a party, the people watch as she passes out.

Waking up again, she begs them for help, they laugh and tell her she's had to much to drink. Then Jenny sees the rottweiler, and another empty bowl. She sees the family pictures and realises that she's at the gang leaders house. She runs to the toilet, locking herself in. She raids the cupboards and finds a knife. The leader returns home, tells his parents that Jenny killed his friends. The leader's dad belts him, and decides that they need to act. The adults break into the toilet, Jenny tries to defend herself, but to no avail. The men drag her back into the bathroom, and all we hear are her screams. The leader returns to his bedroom, and looks into his mirror. Alone.

Groovy Website: Survive the Outbreak!

Soooo, we don't have a "Groovy Website of the Week/Month/Whatever", but I encountered a website today which is seriously making me reconsider.

Yes, if I had a fuckin' awesome award, this site would devour it whole.

Survive the outbreak is basically a 'Zombie choose your own adventure movie'.

You know, like those books you used to read as a kid . . . but with zombies, man! I used to be addicted to them, so now I'm pushing homework aside (again), and procrastinating for the next half an hour or so . . .

Art: Troma

Ever since I've seen The Toxic Avenger, I've had a soft spot for Troma. You know, those guys who make those purposely trashy, but always interesting independent Horror flicks.

Well, I lie; The Toxic Avenger wasn't by first venture into Troma -- believe it or not, but I was actually introduced by weekday cartoon, The Toxic Crusaders, which was fabulous, if sadly short-lived. Still, I can remember the theme tune fondly. Man, it was rockin'.

What're your favourite Troma movies? Here's mine;

When I donned my Vamp fangs for Halloween, my brother called me a name which related to this films title. No. Actually, that reminds me; he called me a "Vampire bitch". Wee prick. Of course, being the lady that I am, I delivered a swift hook to tha gut in response.

One lazy bitch!

Hey, guys

Sorry for the piss-poor updates. No excuse.

I've seen some freakin' awesome Horror movies recently, and I'll get some reviews up in the next couple of days;

I've still got a review of Eden Lake coming up, as well as another excellent British Horror, Outpost.

Oh, and Halloween is coming up! Where the hell are your costumes?! I hope you've got something sorted out? Halloween is the season for the Horror buff. I'll have some "Ooh Recommendations" Coming up too!

Movie Review: Doomsday

Doomsday (2008)

Dir. Neil Marshall

Following on from the success of Dog Soldiers and The Descent, Neil Marshall’s third feature is a more buffed-up, explosive affair. A concoction derived from Aliens, The Warriors, Mad Max and Escape from New York, the action dizzyingly swifts from a diseased-ridden futuristic London, to apocalyptic Scotland and then it's quickly off to the Medieval Highlands for some swordplay. Oh yeah, and then there's a mad car chase involving a brand-spankin' new Bentley. And a slightly modified bus.

Aesthetically, Doomsday is rich and multi-layered; it's interesting to see the many visions of a Dystopian society, particularly in direct contrast with each other. But this doesn't make for a smooth narrative -- the plot is jarring, and the rapid shift in settings (especially when it's in the same bloody Country!) leaves behind boulder-sized plot holes -- why the need to resort to cannibalism when there are so many bloody cows around?!

The plot in question concerns the deadly Reaper virus. Years ago, it lay waste to Scotland; with the threat running rampant, the simplest idea was to wall off the entire Country, keeping the 'infected' at bay with giant machine guns surrounding the perimeter -- an idea illustrated by horrible bunny death! Thirty years later, and the Reaper virus begins to creep back, striking in an overcrowded London. Through the use of satellite imagery, the Government learns that there are survivors in the grimy Scottish cities, meaning that there must also be a cure. Led by Major Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra), a team of soldiers and scientists are sent beyond the wall, hoping to track down Dr Kane (Malcolm McDowell), who may or may not have the cure.

After the Aliens style battle, where our heroes battle angry Glaswegians, it all goes a bit Mad Max when the leader, Sol (and son of Dr Kane) captures our team, treating them to a primitive can-can, complete with pole dancers before making with the cannibalism. The make-up of the marauders here is intriguing, if a tad unoriginal. They jump around, looking like a snarling, venomous version of that teenage-drama show, The Tribe. The big showdown exists in the slightly Lord of the Rings-esque Highlands and cultivates in a marvellous, if stupid car chase down a deserted motorway.

In terms of acting, Bob Hoskins and Malcolm McDowell add a touch of class to the fray. However, the burden lies on Rhona Mitra's shoulders as tough-as-old-boots Eden Sinclair. To put it mildly, she's no Linda Hamilton -- Mitra may be able to snarl out the odd swear word, and cart around a badass weapon, but she lacks charisma and remains ineffectual. The rest of the cast aren't much better, and ultimately, unlike the characters which populate the films Doomsday pays homage to, we don't really care about them.

Although Doomsday is an 80's homage/science fiction/fantasy hybrid, there's no shortage of gore -- heads are blown off, bodies are ran over, people are cooked alive -- blood is strewn across the screen in bucketfuls, even splattering against the camera in one particular fight with a solder and a Knight. Pretty soon our team's mission deteriorates into nothing but a primal game of survival. And that's just fine. The plot at this point is unimportant -- Doomsday may be inconsistent gobbledygook, but it's enjoyable gobbledygook. Just remember to leave your brain behind, and enjoy the bumpy ride.

Coming soon! Eden Lake and Doomsday

Just seen two British films: James Watkins Eden Lake (2008) and Neil Marshall's Doomsday (2008) back-to-back. Reviews coming soon, kids!


Just a small note: while major spoilers will be kept out of the reviews, they're welcomed in the comments section. You know I heartily endorse discussion, and I LOVE to hear different opinions.