Fatally-yours review: The Fog (1980)

Fatally-Yours Review: The Fog (1980)

The Fog is tamer than John Carpenter’s other horror ventures, and doesn’t seem to gain as much love as, let’s say The Thing or Halloween. Where the latter gave birth to Shatner-faced Boogieman, Michael Myers and churned out seven sequels (not to mention Rob Zombie’s inferior remake in 2007), The Fog didn’t initially garner the same level of popularity with audiences, who were perhaps hungry for another iconic slasher villain. Nor did it necessarily offer the mind-bending and gory special effects witnessed in The Thing. That’s not to say that The Fog doesn’t deliver – it does, but on a different level entirely. An old-fashioned American ghost-story, The Fog is a campfire tale brought to life, bathed in swirling mist and darkness. Its origins deal with an ancient crime, and the sweet promise of retribution. It’s subject matter ripe for a horror film.

It’s the centenary celebrations of desolate town Antonio Bay, and strange occurrences have already happened. A small boat, bobbing on liquorice waters in the dead of night is attacked, surrounded by a fog bank that shouldn’t be there – there’s the glimpse of a huge, tattered sail as a ship drifts by, and then there’s the figures that emerge; thin, wraith-like men, armed with hooks. The bodies of the three men onboard are found the next day, looking like they’ve spent a month under water. It’s a mystery that’s gripped many members of the community, but few are ready to acknowledge the strange goings on and how they coincide with Antonio Bay’s grizzly past and the anniversary of the town. You see, a hundred years ago, a wealthy leper named Blake travelled with several members of his colony, hoping to settle just north of Antonio Bay. But, the town founders weren’t happy with the idea of “a leper colony a mile away”, and devised a plan. In the night, and amongst a heavy patch of fog, they purposely misguided Blake’s ship by campfire, guiding it into the rocks. The ship was destroyed and everyone on board was killed. The town founders, “the six conspirators” plundered the ship, stealing Blake’s wealth and invested it in Antonio Bay, including its church. Now, on the 100th year anniversary, Blake and his crew have returned, wanting to take back what is rightfully theirs, and the lives in place of the 6 conspirators, who were responsible for their deaths. It’s like Father Malone garbles; “The celebration tonight is a travesty! We’re honouring murders”. And indeed they are! But it’s not all doom an’ gloom, oh no – their misfortune makes for a very fine ghost story, and a creepy one at that.

Read more

Movie Review: The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

Not exactly looking forward to The Day the Earth Stood Still, I naturally went in with low expectations. I pretty much went in to appease Father – it was either this or Quantum of Solace, and I’m not entirely fickle when it comes to Daniel Craig’s blond, thuggish James Bond. I did enjoy Casino Royale, but alas, his second venture as 007 was on too late for this weary student (for shame). So, Keanu Reeves’ CGI-fest it was.

The credits open in a starry sky, with suitable ominous music present. It was a crafty way for filmmakers to grab my attention – I’m simple; I instantly associate starry sky + said ominous music with good films i.e. Star wars, Alien. Actually, while my mind was beginning to drift away, I did perk up, until the title appeared, reminding me what I was about to inflict upon myself. In all seriousness, I do try to keep an open mind when it comes to viewing films, regardless of budget constraints and actors present– being faced with the regular deadpan Keanu Reeves doesn’t make it easy, however.

The Day the Earth Stood Still is a yet another remake, and this time it's a modern update of Robert Wise's 1951 science-fiction classic of the same name. This time, however, Keanu Reeves' is playing Klaatu, a human-looking alien who lands on Earth complete with a giant robot in tow. In a rather marvellous scene, Klaatu is shot, and his robot goes on the defence, switching down tanks, and various fucking gigantic weapons which have surrounded them (courtesy of the army etc). It is a pretty cool scene, but you can't help but think; for crying out loud, another scene where human beings act stupid! Anyways, Klaatu is whisked away, and receives treatment by Dr. Helen Benson (Jennifer Connolly), who believes that the alien is here to save mankind from destruction. Klaatu later escapes, and calls upon Dr. Helen to help him. She arrives on scene with her stepson, (played by Will Smith's kid), and thus a journey begins, filled with almost fuck-all, aside from one of the most disgustingly obvious examples of product-placement I can remember in a blockbuster.

Fuck you, Ronald McDonald!

As it turns out, the dull and vacant Keanu -- eh, I mean, Klaatu, isn't here to save mankind, but rather save the Earth. From us. That's right, humans fuck-up again. Honestly, by the end of this film, I had such a tension headache for the sheer amount of stupidity displayed on screen . . . I swear, I almost had a brain hemorrhage. Regardless, it's up to Dr. Helen and her bratty stepson to change Klaatu's opinion of mankind, and encourage him to give us a second chance.

Btw, here’s a tip, if you thought it was a swell idea to invite some pals around, and maybe play a wee drinking game, DON’T revolve it around The Day the Earth Stood Still. For example; if you’ve to take a drink every time Jennifer Connolly’s Dr. Helen Benson smiles, then you’ll spend your entire evening stone-cold sober. Similarly if you’ve to take a slug every time Klaatu makes you giggle – in a good way i.e. the witty dialogue, and not Keanu Reeves' acting ability. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed a more humourless film, especially given that the characters don’t even smile. I know it could possibly be the end-of-the-world and all that jazz, but SMILE. I swear, drawing blood from a stone would possibly be easier.


I found the CGI atrocious. But then again, heaps and HEAPS of CGI just don't do it for me -- if it's your kind of thing, then this blockbuster may be for you. I personally didn't find it entertaining. Although I like Jennifer Connolly as an Actor, and I appreciate her ability, her character was so boring in this film --nothing particularly noteworthy at all. The wooden crown, however firmly rests on the head of Keanu Reeves. I really do wonder how much he got payed for this film. And again, I left the cinema with one big tension headache -- virtually every single human is portrayed as stupid and plain ignorant. Annoying.

Saying all this negative stuff, however, I do feel like The Day the Earth Stood Still did raise some interesting issues; namely how as human’s we’re not only destroying ourselves, but also our planet . . . who’d have guessed?!? I did get annoyed at the stupidity – everyone in this film is practically stupid. Not just stupid, but fuckin’ stupid. Honestly, everyone lacks common sense, and has this strange desire to fuck-up, blow shit up, blow shit out of proportion etc. Most of the film is dedicated to how fucking stupid humans are, and how’re we’re constantly fuckin’ up.

Ah, well, I think my Father enjoyed it anyway.

Fatally-yours review: The Haunting

Remember I mentioned this groovy website, like a wee while ago?

Well, I've recently started writing reviews for the website. Hopefully, it'll give me a larger incentive to actually focus on film reviews -- which I love doing, and move away from mindless ramblings -- which I alas, frequently do.

My first review for Fatally-yours is the horror classic, The Haunting (1963). Every week, I'll post the first couple of paragraphs, and then a "read on" option -- 'cause I might get into trouble if I slap the whole thing up here!

The Haunting (1963)

The Haunting is the "little old woman" of the horror genre - even if you don't like her, you've still got to show her some respect. Sure, it's a film frequently overlooked in horror circles; possibly due to its distinct lack of gore, sex and even creative death sequences. But that doesn't mean the film isn't memorable. You see, The Haunting doesn't deal with malicious monsters or some other creature that goes bump in the night (well, strictly speaking, it does, but they're not of your standard flesh-and-blood variety). Nope, The Haunting is a traditional ghost story. But, it isn't a rattling chains and floating sheets affair; it's an intelligent, thought-provoking tale. I'd go as far as to deem it the definitive ghost story.

Director Robert Wise (whose previous horror credentials include Curse of the Cat People and The Body Snatcher in the 1940s) has relied upon other means to invoke terror, however. What's scary is simple: it's the unseen, the burgeoning tension and mounting sense of dread, the noises and the strange, unexplainable occurrences. I believe that's something a truly gifted director (like Wise) can accomplish - create a menacing presence without the aid of a visual representation of the antagonist(s). And the late Robert Wise was one marvellous director. From the opening credits, he manages to captivate us, drawing us into his twisted little horror film of a house "born bad".

Read more

Grr Argh . . .The Graveyard Book

Yes, so I've been incredibly lax on the whole blogsphere. I normally try to do at least three posts a week or something, even if it is frequently drunken-fueled banter. My qualms about having the lack of ID is a prime example. Yes, one day I hope I can conjure the motivation to actually seek sufficient ID -- I am getting annoyed at having to rely upon friends (and blackmailing various family members) to get me booze and horror films. Sad, I know, but that's the price for having such a youthful appearance . . . sigh

I'm better keeping my trap firmly shut; no doubt thirty will hit me, and I'll look like this:

Uhuh, that's the consequence of an extended student lifestyle right there, albeit with slightly less boob sagage (well, I really do hope . . .) Man, I'm now in the mood to watch Stardust. What a wonderful film -- I do love Neil Gaiman. Speaking of, I recently read The Graveyard book, and it was a lovely read. Obviously nothing entirely deep or intense, but it was delightful -- like a dark, modern day fairy tale. The type of offbeat story which is ideal for kids and adults alike. As I'm aware, there are a variety of editions of The Graveyard Book available (yes, one isn't enough for this publication); a children's edition illustrated by Chris Riddell, an adult edition illustrated by Dave McKeane, a limited edition slipcase edition, and one bound in human skin and inked with the blood of virgins (kidding, obviously).

For more info, scoot on over to The Graveyard book website

Tuesday Trailer of the Week!

28 Days Later (2002)

I love the trailer for Danny Boyle's apocalyptic horror film, 28 Days Later. Urgh, but not so much the tedious debates still abound on imdb -- is it a zombie film, or not?! It's one of those questions which sparks a rare response in me; shut up, and enjoy the damn film! Of course, 28 Days is so much more than mere horror fodder -- it's entirely thought-provoking, inspiring a "what if" train of thought. And those images of a ravaged, seemingly desolate London? Absolutely astounding.

I love the bleary beginning; the pulsating lights and the subtitles, telling us a story without actually showing us the events . . . yet. John Murphy's instrumental track In the House in a Heartbeat is suitably eerie, creeping around in the background. It's a wonderful track, even if it has been a bit overused post 28 Days. Plus, what other horror trailer has a nude Cillian Murphy? Exactly.

Groovy Website: Fatally yours

Aside from my various ramblings and phony reviews, I do sometimes draw attention to certain websites, which I think deserve more coverage than they initially receive. Fatally Yours in one such site, and I've enjoyed their reviews immensely.

Just click on the fancy banner/thang. Yes, I'm oh-so technical!



PS: They drew my attention to GingerDead Man 2, so they obviously rock!

I could've done without the porn

Firstly, I asked a friend to get me the German DVD of Hammer Horror's The Vampire Lovers. My reason? Well, there's a rather nifty commentary I wish to listen to, which isn't on my current edition. It sucks -- of course, I believe in equal DVD extras for everybody. Especially if it's something rather interesting in relation to the original text . . .

This morning however, when I thought my DVD had arrived and ripped off the packaging, I was greeted with this:

What the fuck!?

That's right. No, it's not Ingrid Pitt sauntering around in a nightie, sadly. It's just porn. I mean, I guess it's a lovely surprise an' all, but it wasn't what I was in the mood for. . . Emm . . . I dunno, I guess I can't use it for a potential review. Can I? Maybe?

Le sigh. Well, I guess it's easy to get the two titles confused. They both have the words "vampire" and "lover(s)" in the title. Okay, it's easy to get confused if you're my mate Chris. Sorry, Chris, next time I'll shop online with you. We'll get something nice and simple; a film that doesn't have a similar-sounding porno equivalent. Unless you did it on purpose, you sly bastard.

Since today was my "Lazy Day", (man, I don't get enough of those) I played some Guitar Hero, did some shopping and watched Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. I love that film so much, even if it's been a while since I'd last seen it. I mean, it's one of those films I'd ask my Grandmother about (she's a cool ol' lady, who loves the classic horror films, and rather knowledgeable herself), and she'd describe everything in detail. In short, she fed my early horror cravings. Thanks, Gran. Hopefully, I'll write a review of The Birds soon.

Also, how fuckin' cool is Repo! The Genetic Opera? Yes, it's bad, but I've only heard of this horror/sci-fi/musical hybrid recently. I'm already hooked on numerous songs, and have since purchased the soundtrack from iTunes. Goodness knows when I'll actually be granted the opportunity to watch this fabulous little film. Oh, and how I love Anthony Head. Yes, I'll admit it, I had a little crush when he was Giles in Buffy. Uhuh, Librarians can be sexy too. Well, I think so.

Em. Anyway, aside from Librarians and horror movies, I do actually love musicals, particularly if they're blended with another genre -- The Rocky Horror Picture Show being a prime example. Oh, how I love that film so much -- it's utterly ridiculous that I haven't seen it on stage yet. I'd totally dress up, and encourage everyone else to do like wise. And no, I'm not exactly stoked about the planned MTV Rocky Horror remake, but I'll no doubt watch it, thus contradicting myself. But, I digress. Here's my favourite song from the up-coming Repo! A Genetic Opera, Zydrate Anatomy;

For further interesting details, I encourage you to take a gander at the wonderful (and 100% official!) Repo! Website. Their Myspace is equal parts wonderful. So go and show your support! Hopefully, the film can ensure a wider run at cinemas. If not, well, I'll go for Plan B; hire a fuckin' projector and rent out my town hall. Okay, so I'm not entirely sure if we even have a town hall here, but screw it, I'll find somewhere! Heck, I'll ship out all the excess furniture, and use my sitting room if need be. It'll be cool.