Showing posts with label Scary stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Scary stuff. Show all posts

Thursday, 11 September 2008

That ain't a kids film!

"Children's" films can be scary too

Everyone can pick some obscure, creepy flick from their childhood which scared them ridged, right? You know, the type of film you look back upon and think: WTF!? Who decided to market this shit to kids?! I once had a friend who was terrified from Postman Pat. Yes, I know, sad, but true. It's the size of his nose, she told me, it just like, completely dominates his face. And you know what? I can kinda see where she was coming from. So, anyway, I was just thinking (as I'm sometimes inclined to do), and decided to compile a list of the films which scared the crap outta me in my youth. Ahh . . . drum roll, please.
******
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)
Oh, c'mon, many a childhood nightmare was based on this guy! You cannot have a list of childhood villains and not have him making an appearance. Yes, it's that man in serious need of a nose job, the Child-catcher. Like a 60s wicked witch, he lures children into his hybrid wagon/cage-thing with the promise of sweets and other niceties. What a sneaky bastard. If it were a horror movie, you know the kids would get revenge, echoing The Hills Have Eyes. Jeeze-oh, at this point you're bound to think; "What an utter scum-sucking bitch! She's totally got a vendetta against people with above-average noses! I'm gonna rip her a new one!" Can I just point out that that isn't the case? I mean, I totally dig Tim Roth as much as the next person.


Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)

Where to start with this one? There's far too much material to work with here. Lets see, for starters there's the numerous 'disappearances' in Wonka's deathtrap of a chocolate factory. Witnessing Augustus Gloop getting sucked up the giant, chocolate tube-thing was a horrible image, made all the worse that Wonka simply didn't give a shit. I don't care what anyone else says! That man was cold! Aside from the Oompa Loompas, (who illustrated the onscreen carnage via sing-song), there is also the fuckin' demented boat ride down the fuckin' disgusting chocolate river, where we, the family are greeted to an image of a chicken getting it's head chopped off. Nice.


Return to Oz (1985)

Despite it's Oz connection, make no mistake, this film isn't like The Wizard of Oz. There's no Judy Garland nor is there the presence of happy, singing Munchkins. Instead, Dorothy is sent to some dodgy psychiatric hospital where she is given shock treatment in a desperate bid to cure her "fantasies" of Oz. And this is only the beginning, folks. There are strange, seemingly doped-up characters called Wheelers, who incidentally, have wheels in place of hands and feet. There's also the awesome Mombie, who has a collection of living heads, which she can switch around, like a collection of shoes -- fleshy, eye-rolling shoes. Scariest scene is of a headless Mombie chasing Dorothy, while her head watches on, commanding her strange twig-like body to catch her.




The Watcher in the Woods (1980)

Another Disney oldie that I haven't seen in ages. I'm certain I have the DVD lurking about somewhere, perhaps buried knee-deep amongst the other piles of DVDs scattered around the joint. If you like old, largely forgotten Disney movies, then this is one to look out for. The image of a ghostly, blindfolded girl appearing in the mirrors is unforgettable. A great Disney "ghost" story.

Tuesday, 2 September 2008

Monstrous Mothers

Mothers in horror films

Right, this isn't a blog post celebrating the beautiful, the brave, the strong nor the plain wicked awesome. So, sorry to disappoint, but you wont be finding Sarah Conner's bulging biceps rippling through this post. And don't even expect the Alien Queen to be making an appearance -- she's far too badass! Nope, this space is dedicated for the downright deranged, wicked and generally fuckin' scary;


Psycho
Norman Bates was so severely affected by his Mother, that after her death he began donning the Granny-fashion, adopting her voice and her mannerisms -- which includes murdering young woman and anyone threatening to destroy his Mummy delusion. Oh yeah, he also keeps her crusty ol' corpse in her favourite rocking chair. Ah, family love.




Carrie
Piper Laurie's uber freaky performance as Margaret White makes Sissy Spacek's Carrie all the more poignant, and provides a deeper sense of hopelessness. Margaret White is a dominating figure; an obsessive, religious nut who deems her daughter's telekinetic powers stem from the devil. When her daughter finally stands against her and skedaddles to the Prom with that stud, Tommy Ross, Margaret is home, thinking of the many ways a nutcase like herself can help her daughter. . .

I mean, look how fucking gleeful she looks with a knife!




A Nightmare on Elm Street
Okay, so specifically speaking, Marge Thompson isn't deranged nor is she wicked. BUT, while her daughter is trying to survive against Freddy Krugger, she keeps her mouth shut, watching as Nancy slowly falls to pieces. She also keeps Freddie's glove i.e. the fuckin' murder weapon hidden in her basement.





Brain Dead AKA Dead Alive
Even though I haven't seen Peter Jackson's gore fest in years (yes, really), I still have the disgusting image of a decomposing Vera Cosgrove ingrained in my lousy mind. After getting bitten by a rat monkey, the dominating Momma slowly becomes one of the living dead. Watch as her poor son, Lionel runs around, trying to protect Mummy dearest and keep her sedated with drugs until, inevitably, all hell breaks loose.

Sleepaway Camp
Oh, c'mon, even if you didn't like this film (and why the hell not!?), how the fuck can you forget the ending? I thought I had the entire plot sussed, and then that happened. And we can all thank Aunt Martha and her fabulous idea for that body count!




Friday the 13th
Pamela Voorhees is the undistributed Queen of the Terror-Moms. After her son Jason 'drowned' at Camp Crystal Lake, courtesy of a bunch of horny teenagers, the camp lay in abandonment. When several new councilors return, Pamela takes revenge, killing them off in bloody fashion. Freakiest moment; Mrs Voorhees' imitates her deceased son's voice; "Kill her, Mommy! Kill her! Don't let her get away, Mommy! Don't let her live!"


Nope, she's not pickin' her teeth, you dope! Nothing brings a wider grin to a Terror-Mom's face than something sharp an' shiny . . .