Voodoun Romance

Fatally-yours review: The Fog (1980)

2009-01-06T10:55:00.000-08:00

Fatally-Yours Review: The Fog (1980)

The Fog is tamer than John Carpenter’s other horror ventures, and doesn’t seem to gain as much love as, let’s say The Thing or Halloween. Where the latter gave birth to Shatner-faced Boogieman, Michael Myers and churned out seven sequels (not to mention Rob Zombie’s inferior remake in 2007), The Fog didn’t initially garner the same level of popularity with audiences, who were perhaps hungry for another iconic slasher villain. Nor did it necessarily offer the mind-bending and gory special effects witnessed in The Thing. That’s not to say that The Fog doesn’t deliver – it does, but on a different level entirely. An old-fashioned American ghost-story, The Fog is a campfire tale brought to life, bathed in swirling mist and darkness. Its origins deal with an ancient crime, and the sweet promise of retribution. It’s subject matter ripe for a horror film.

It’s the centenary celebrations of desolate town Antonio Bay, and strange occurrences have already happened. A small boat, bobbing on liquorice waters in the dead of night is attacked, surrounded by a fog bank that shouldn’t be there – there’s the glimpse of a huge, tattered sail as a ship drifts by, and then there’s the figures that emerge; thin, wraith-like men, armed with hooks. The bodies of the three men onboard are found the next day, looking like they’ve spent a month under water. It’s a mystery that’s gripped many members of the community, but few are ready to acknowledge the strange goings on and how they coincide with Antonio Bay’s grizzly past and the anniversary of the town. You see, a hundred years ago, a wealthy leper named Blake travelled with several members of his colony, hoping to settle just north of Antonio Bay. But, the town founders weren’t happy with the idea of “a leper colony a mile away”, and devised a plan. In the night, and amongst a heavy patch of fog, they purposely misguided Blake’s ship by campfire, guiding it into the rocks. The ship was destroyed and everyone on board was killed. The town founders, “the six conspirators” plundered the ship, stealing Blake’s wealth and invested it in Antonio Bay, including its church. Now, on the 100th year anniversary, Blake and his crew have returned, wanting to take back what is rightfully theirs, and the lives in place of the 6 conspirators, who were responsible for their deaths. It’s like Father Malone garbles; “The celebration tonight is a travesty! We’re honouring murders”. And indeed they are! But it’s not all doom an’ gloom, oh no – their misfortune makes for a very fine ghost story, and a creepy one at that.

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Movie Review: The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

2008-12-20T11:33:00.000-08:00

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

Not exactly looking forward to The Day the Earth Stood Still, I naturally went in with low expectations. I pretty much went in to appease Father – it was either this or Quantum of Solace, and I’m not entirely fickle when it comes to Daniel Craig’s blond, thuggish James Bond. I did enjoy Casino Royale, but alas, his second venture as 007 was on too late for this weary student (for shame). So, Keanu Reeves’ CGI-fest it was.

The credits open in a starry sky, with suitable ominous music present. It was a crafty way for filmmakers to grab my attention – I’m simple; I instantly associate starry sky + said ominous music with good films i.e. Star wars, Alien. Actually, while my mind was beginning to drift away, I did perk up, until the title appeared, reminding me what I was about to inflict upon myself. In all seriousness, I do try to keep an open mind when it comes to viewing films, regardless of budget constraints and actors present– being faced with the regular deadpan Keanu Reeves doesn’t make it easy, however.

The Day the Earth Stood Still is a yet another remake, and this time it's a modern update of Robert Wise's 1951 science-fiction classic of the same name. This time, however, Keanu Reeves' is playing Klaatu, a human-looking alien who lands on Earth complete with a giant robot in tow. In a rather marvellous scene, Klaatu is shot, and his robot goes on the defence, switching down tanks, and various fucking gigantic weapons which have surrounded them (courtesy of the army etc). It is a pretty cool scene, but you can't help but think; for crying out loud, another scene where human beings act stupid! Anyways, Klaatu is whisked away, and receives treatment by Dr. Helen Benson (Jennifer Connolly), who believes that the alien is here to save mankind from destruction. Klaatu later escapes, and calls upon Dr. Helen to help him. She arrives on scene with her stepson, (played by Will Smith's kid), and thus a journey begins, filled with almost fuck-all, aside from one of the most disgustingly obvious examples of product-placement I can remember in a blockbuster.

Fuck you, Ronald McDonald!

As it turns out, the dull and vacant Keanu -- eh, I mean, Klaatu, isn't here to save mankind, but rather save the Earth. From us. That's right, humans fuck-up again. Honestly, by the end of this film, I had such a tension headache for the sheer amount of stupidity displayed on screen . . . I swear, I almost had a brain hemorrhage. Regardless, it's up to Dr. Helen and her bratty stepson to change Klaatu's opinion of mankind, and encourage him to give us a second chance.

Btw, here’s a tip, if you thought it was a swell idea to invite some pals around, and maybe play a wee drinking game, DON’T revolve it around The Day the Earth Stood Still. For example; if you’ve to take a drink every time Jennifer Connolly’s Dr. Helen Benson smiles, then you’ll spend your entire evening stone-cold sober. Similarly if you’ve to take a slug every time Klaatu makes you giggle – in a good way i.e. the witty dialogue, and not Keanu Reeves' acting ability. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed a more humourless film, especially given that the characters don’t even smile. I know it could possibly be the end-of-the-world and all that jazz, but SMILE. I swear, drawing blood from a stone would possibly be easier.

I found the CGI atrocious. But then again, heaps and HEAPS of CGI just don't do it for me -- if it's your kind of thing, then this blockbuster may be for you. I personally didn't find it entertaining. Although I like Jennifer Connolly as an Actor, and I appreciate her ability, her character was so boring in this film --nothing particularly noteworthy at all. The wooden crown, however firmly rests on the head of Keanu Reeves. I really do wonder how much he got payed for this film. And again, I left the cinema with one big tension headache -- virtually every single human is portrayed as stupid and plain ignorant. Annoying.

Saying all this negative stuff, however, I do feel like The Day the Earth Stood Still did raise some interesting issues; namely how as human’s we’re not only destroying ourselves, but also our planet . . . who’d have guessed?!? I did get annoyed at the stupidity – everyone in this film is practically stupid. Not just stupid, but fuckin’ stupid. Honestly, everyone lacks common sense, and has this strange desire to fuck-up, blow shit up, blow shit out of proportion etc. Most of the film is dedicated to how fucking stupid humans are, and how’re we’re constantly fuckin’ up.

Ah, well, I think my Father enjoyed it anyway.

Fatally-yours review: The Haunting

2008-12-15T12:33:00.000-08:00

Remember I mentioned this groovy website, like a wee while ago?

Well, I've recently started writing reviews for the website. Hopefully, it'll give me a larger incentive to actually focus on film reviews -- which I love doing, and move away from mindless ramblings -- which I alas, frequently do.

My first review for Fatally-yours is the horror classic, The Haunting (1963). Every week, I'll post the first couple of paragraphs, and then a "read on" option -- 'cause I might get into trouble if I slap the whole thing up here!

The Haunting (1963)

The Haunting is the "little old woman" of the horror genre - even if you don't like her, you've still got to show her some respect. Sure, it's a film frequently overlooked in horror circles; possibly due to its distinct lack of gore, sex and even creative death sequences. But that doesn't mean the film isn't memorable. You see, The Haunting doesn't deal with malicious monsters or some other creature that goes bump in the night (well, strictly speaking, it does, but they're not of your standard flesh-and-blood variety). Nope, The Haunting is a traditional ghost story. But, it isn't a rattling chains and floating sheets affair; it's an intelligent, thought-provoking tale. I'd go as far as to deem it the definitive ghost story.

Director Robert Wise (whose previous horror credentials include Curse of the Cat People and The Body Snatcher in the 1940s) has relied upon other means to invoke terror, however. What's scary is simple: it's the unseen, the burgeoning tension and mounting sense of dread, the noises and the strange, unexplainable occurrences. I believe that's something a truly gifted director (like Wise) can accomplish - create a menacing presence without the aid of a visual representation of the antagonist(s). And the late Robert Wise was one marvellous director. From the opening credits, he manages to captivate us, drawing us into his twisted little horror film of a house "born bad".

Grr Argh . . .The Graveyard Book

2008-12-15T12:02:00.000-08:00

Yes, so I've been incredibly lax on the whole blogsphere. I normally try to do at least three posts a week or something, even if it is frequently drunken-fueled banter. My qualms about having the lack of ID is a prime example. Yes, one day I hope I can conjure the motivation to actually seek sufficient ID -- I am getting annoyed at having to rely upon friends (and blackmailing various family members) to get me booze and horror films. Sad, I know, but that's the price for having such a youthful appearance . . . sigh

I'm better keeping my trap firmly shut; no doubt thirty will hit me, and I'll look like this:

Uhuh, that's the consequence of an extended student lifestyle right there, albeit with slightly less boob sagage (well, I really do hope . . .) Man, I'm now in the mood to watch Stardust. What a wonderful film -- I do love Neil Gaiman. Speaking of, I recently read The Graveyard book, and it was a lovely read. Obviously nothing entirely deep or intense, but it was delightful -- like a dark, modern day fairy tale. The type of offbeat story which is ideal for kids and adults alike. As I'm aware, there are a variety of editions of The Graveyard Book available (yes, one isn't enough for this publication); a children's edition illustrated by Chris Riddell, an adult edition illustrated by Dave McKeane, a limited edition slipcase edition, and one bound in human skin and inked with the blood of virgins (kidding, obviously).

For more info, scoot on over to The Graveyard book website

Tuesday Trailer of the Week!

2008-12-09T02:30:00.000-08:00

28 Days Later (2002)

I love the trailer for Danny Boyle's apocalyptic horror film, 28 Days Later. Urgh, but not so much the tedious debates still abound on imdb -- is it a zombie film, or not?! It's one of those questions which sparks a rare response in me; shut up, and enjoy the damn film! Of course, 28 Days is so much more than mere horror fodder -- it's entirely thought-provoking, inspiring a "what if" train of thought. And those images of a ravaged, seemingly desolate London? Absolutely astounding.

I love the bleary beginning; the pulsating lights and the subtitles, telling us a story without actually showing us the events . . . yet. John Murphy's instrumental track In the House in a Heartbeat is suitably eerie, creeping around in the background. It's a wonderful track, even if it has been a bit overused post 28 Days. Plus, what other horror trailer has a nude Cillian Murphy? Exactly.

Groovy Website: Fatally yours

2008-12-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

Aside from my various ramblings and phony reviews, I do sometimes draw attention to certain websites, which I think deserve more coverage than they initially receive. Fatally Yours in one such site, and I've enjoyed their reviews immensely.

Just click on the fancy banner/thang. Yes, I'm oh-so technical!

PS: They drew my attention to GingerDead Man 2, so they obviously rock!

I could've done without the porn

2008-11-27T14:43:00.001-08:00

Firstly, I asked a friend to get me the German DVD of Hammer Horror's The Vampire Lovers. My reason? Well, there's a rather nifty commentary I wish to listen to, which isn't on my current edition. It sucks -- of course, I believe in equal DVD extras for everybody. Especially if it's something rather interesting in relation to the original text . . .

This morning however, when I thought my DVD had arrived and ripped off the packaging, I was greeted with this:

What the fuck!?

That's right. No, it's not Ingrid Pitt sauntering around in a nightie, sadly. It's just porn. I mean, I guess it's a lovely surprise an' all, but it wasn't what I was in the mood for. . . Emm . . . I dunno, I guess I can't use it for a potential review. Can I? Maybe?

Le sigh. Well, I guess it's easy to get the two titles confused. They both have the words "vampire" and "lover(s)" in the title. Okay, it's easy to get confused if you're my mate Chris. Sorry, Chris, next time I'll shop online with you. We'll get something nice and simple; a film that doesn't have a similar-sounding porno equivalent. Unless you did it on purpose, you sly bastard.

Since today was my "Lazy Day", (man, I don't get enough of those) I played some Guitar Hero, did some shopping and watched Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. I love that film so much, even if it's been a while since I'd last seen it. I mean, it's one of those films I'd ask my Grandmother about (she's a cool ol' lady, who loves the classic horror films, and rather knowledgeable herself), and she'd describe everything in detail. In short, she fed my early horror cravings. Thanks, Gran. Hopefully, I'll write a review of The Birds soon.

Also, how fuckin' cool is Repo! The Genetic Opera? Yes, it's bad, but I've only heard of this horror/sci-fi/musical hybrid recently. I'm already hooked on numerous songs, and have since purchased the soundtrack from iTunes. Goodness knows when I'll actually be granted the opportunity to watch this fabulous little film. Oh, and how I love Anthony Head. Yes, I'll admit it, I had a little crush when he was Giles in Buffy. Uhuh, Librarians can be sexy too. Well, I think so.

Em. Anyway, aside from Librarians and horror movies, I do actually love musicals, particularly if they're blended with another genre -- The Rocky Horror Picture Show being a prime example. Oh, how I love that film so much -- it's utterly ridiculous that I haven't seen it on stage yet. I'd totally dress up, and encourage everyone else to do like wise. And no, I'm not exactly stoked about the planned MTV Rocky Horror remake, but I'll no doubt watch it, thus contradicting myself. But, I digress. Here's my favourite song from the up-coming Repo! A Genetic Opera, Zydrate Anatomy;

For further interesting details, I encourage you to take a gander at the wonderful (and 100% official!) Repo! Website. Their Myspace is equal parts wonderful. So go and show your support! Hopefully, the film can ensure a wider run at cinemas. If not, well, I'll go for Plan B; hire a fuckin' projector and rent out my town hall. Okay, so I'm not entirely sure if we even have a town hall here, but screw it, I'll find somewhere! Heck, I'll ship out all the excess furniture, and use my sitting room if need be. It'll be cool.

McTerminator Salvation

2008-11-26T02:07:00.000-08:00

Yes, I think McG is an absolute stinker of a Director. But, I'm going to keep an open mind with the release of Terminator Salvation. Surely to God, it can't be worse than Rise of the Machines?

Well, I am diggin' the poster art. It looks waaaay better than it's predecessor;

Which ain't difficult. It looks like Schwarzenegger and Loken couldn't be arsed getting their photos taken, and somebody got blindingly drunk, then thought it would be pretty nifty to slap the CGI counterparts on the poster instead. No problem. Except it sucks.

I still prefer the poster for the Terminator, even if it does look like Arnold's wandered into an 80s disco.

Tuesday Trailer of the Week

2008-11-25T11:53:00.000-08:00

Street Trash (1987)

Are you tired of the same ol' routine? Bustin yer hump and gettin' nowhere? Drop out an' join the ranks of the few . . .

Okay, so ignore the first minute of this weeks trailer -- Street Trash isn't some stoner comedy. Yeah, sure, it is funny, but it's so much more than a mere comedy/horror. The effects are truly gross (perhaps reminiscent of early Troma), and maybe a wee bit offensive. But it's all done in the name of fun. Street Trash may be cheesy, shoddy -- actually the latter part of it's title is accurate, but it's very much entertaining, and worth tracking down.

Movie Review: Scar 3D

2008-11-23T02:32:00.000-08:00

Movie Review: Scar 3D

Dir. Jed Weintrob

Our local cinema was pretty busy for this one, which is surprising. Scar 3D (2007) hasn't been given much publicity in this neck of the woods, and any review which I have read, has been pocketed away in the corner, its abysmal score highlighted more so than the meagre couple of lines devoted to it. But, heck, it is in 3D. And like myself, that's probably why so many people turned up. That's right, tap "3D" on the end of a title, and we'll turn up in droves.

Hailed as a 3D event, Scar 3D claims to be the first live action feature to be entirely shot in HD 3D. But don't be fooled by this simple boast; it wastes its gimmick, and the only entertaining scene is a striptease. That's right: the only memorable thing about this film is a pair of 3D jugs. And for the record, that's really sad.

On one hand, I really wanted to like this film: it's my first 3D horror film experience, and I've always been secretly jealous of those able to see Friday the 13th Part III 3D (1982), Parasite (1982) and even Jaws 3-D (1983) at the cinema. Sure, 3D films have been making a comeback, but most of them have been family friendly, adventure-filled pap. I want blood an' guts. I'm still holding out for Final Destination 4 to be released next year, and I'm bloody hoping it doesn't disappoint. Please, I can't endure another Scar 3D. I also love Angela Bettis (no, she doesn't annoy me at all), and could happily write about her contribution to the horror genre for days. Her role as the title-character in Lucky McKee's May (2002) horrified and moved me simultaneously, and as a result, won me over as a fan. But, on the other hand Scar 3D is just atrocious and no, not in the confusing "so bad its good" category, just plain bad. In terms of torture horror, this is the runt of the litter. While other torture horrors are running around yelping, and tearing shit to shreds, this one's still sprawled on it's ass, licking itself in inappropriate places. Don't ask me how you can sprawl on your ass, I'm just making a point.

Angela Bettis plays Joan Burrows, a thirtysomething returning to her hometown for her niece, Olympia's high school graduation. Sixteen years ago, however, Joan and her best friend were kidnapped by Bishop, the town undertaker who tortured them, playing a bizarre type of Sophie's Choice -- he'd stop cutting Joan, if she told him to kill her friend. Joan's pal died, and Joan escaped, killing Bishop in the process. In the present day, a copycat killer is offing the local teenagers, and with Olympia looking like a potential victim, it's up to Auntie Joan to save the day.

The action is beefed-up with several laborious flashbacks to Joan's ordeal with Bishop, showcasing how she earned the long scar flicked under her chin. Although we know what's going to unravel, it's here the acting is at its best and you truly believe that the girls are best friends, and terrified for each others survival. It's uncomfortable viewing. Saying this, Scar has some of the worst acting I've ever seen in a mainstream film. It really is cringe-worthy, especially when coupled with Zack Ford's absolutely dire script. Now, I'm certain the shock absorped most of my memory, but I think one exchange went something like this:

Olympia: "My Mom passed away sometime ago . . ."
Paul: "Oh. I'm sorry. So, did you remember your iPod?"
Yeah, I sure did, you insensitive bastard. That's what I'd say, but Olympia just acts all mushy. And stupid.

As with most torture horror, the blood-letting is pretty much unrelenting, and consequently, not much screen time is given for plot or even character development. It leaves behind a boring, clichéd affair, and the 3D element is pretty much redundant. A completely wasted effort.

I love Threadless

2008-11-22T11:13:00.000-08:00

I love Threadless.

And Threadless loves horror.

Quite a wonderful combination, especially for me, the ever-geeky horror fan. Yes, I love my film-themed t-shirts (the more geeky/obscure, the better). But, they're normally designed for dudes, so they end up draped around my knees . . . well, aside from the ones which read "Vampire Bitch" and "Fucking Classy". Yes, I am a fucking classy vampire bitch. And I also make my Mother proud.

Rue Morgue, the leading publication for horror entertainment, has teamed up with Threadless.com for a design challenge. The concept is my favourite and yours: horror. That's right, so it'll be pretty darn easy. Yes, so easy that I won't be taking part. If you've got a passion for creating, and a groovy idea for a horror t-shirt, why not submit your idea? Your horrific design could win you a bunch of cool stuff like:

Money
Horror memorabilia
A feature in Rue Morgue
A "limited edition skate deck from Alkaline Trio"
A 70s vintage Fender bass guitar
And probably loads more of em . . . exciting stuffs!

But that all depends, can you topple this mighty T'?

I fuckin' hope so. The closing date is December the 1st, folks.

Urgh . . .

2008-11-15T13:02:00.000-08:00

So . . .

I live in a tiny, teensy-weensy little town in the middle of Scotland. Everything closes at like, 10.00ish, aside from a few bars (and we know I get ID’d for everything). Therefore it is typically the bore. And the weather is also crap: it's cold, it's dark and it's windy -- not suitable for a girl with gorgeous locks of hair such as I. Oh, no! But my night isn't all doom and gloom: I've had to move about like a truck-load of furniture (I have biceps of steal), and I've uncovered some old VHS and a stack of DVDs which I'd forgotten about . . . Bad me. But good in the sense that I now have a bunch of awesome crap to watch! I mean, Hostel Part II . . . I think that one was okay, wasn't it? Anyway, I know it's so 2007, but I plan on writing something regarding the "Torture Porn" subgenre pretty soon. Even though I'm not a particular fan: my interest stems from the exploitation flicks of the 70s and early 80s (which I am a fan of -- well, the history at the very least), and torture porn seems to regurgitate some of those ideas/conventions, if pushing the barrier even more so.

Films that I have watched recently are: The Wicker Man (1973) and Scar 3D (2007). One was bloody wonderful, and one was . . . well, rather shite. Can you guess which one, hmmm? I hope you said The Wicker Man was bloody wonderful 'cause then you'd be right. That reminds me, I was flicking through a DVD magazine, and The Wicker Man was listed as one of the "All-time Greatest Horror DVDs" or something, and it highlighted Britt Ekland's dance as one of the stand-out scenes. And if you want to know why -- or more importantly, want to check out a classic horror movie, then go get The Wicker Man. That's right! Get it right now! Just remember it's the 1973 version, not that 2006 pap with Nicholas Cage . . . shudder.

I don't need an excuse . . .

2008-11-11T12:28:00.000-08:00

Movie Review: April Fool's Day (1986)

2008-11-09T10:31:00.000-08:00

April Fool's Day (1986)

Clara: “Have a nice party.”

Muffy: “Nice? It's gotta be better than nice. It's gotta be bloody unforgettable!”

April Fool's Day is a rarity in the horror field. On one hand, it's an 80s slasher, envisioned by the likes of Fred Walton, the guy who previously directed When a Stranger Calls (1979) and Frank Mancuso Jr, the producer of Friday the 13th Part II, III, The Final Chapter and A New Beginning (1982, 1983, 1984, 1985). So, we should know what we're letting ourselves in for, right?

Rather, I was pleasantly surprised when I'd ejected the DVD, and held it aloft with a twinkle in my eye, and a dopey grin on my face. You see, April Fool's Day is so much more than a standard 80s slash-fest. Sure, it revolves the narrative around a holiday, much like Halloween (1978), Christmas Evil (1980) and My Bloody Valentine (1981). But, and here lies a MASSIVE SPOILER: the rarity lies in the body count, which is a big-fat zero. Rather than feeling duped, and wanting to hurl my remote control at the TV, I instead wanted to hug the DVD case, and perhaps caress the disk a little bit. It's a crafty little film, which plays with the conventions of the slasher film, and as a result -- its audiences expectations. I know many people felt rather cheated when they viewed the ending (and oh, what an ending), but I'm firmly placed in the "Love" category.

The story is standard slash fare: A group of college friends are invited to the island estate of Muffy St. John (Deborah Foreman) for the weekend. Tragedy soon occurs on their journey (yes, they haven't even made their destination yet . . .) when a prank goes wrong and Buck is seriously hurt in a ferry accident.

The group watch in shock as he zooms off to the mainland, clutching his mangled face. But that's nothing copious alcohol can't solve as the friends party their troubles away. As they sit at dinner, chairs with bendy legs, drippy cups and a variety of other hilarious gags have been installed, courtesy of Muffy. The good mood begins to dissipate however, when Muffy's cousin Skip (Griffin O'Neal) and token motor-mouth Arch (Thomas F. Wilson) disappear -- of course, it could all be an elaborate prank, couldn't it? But pretty soon, Kitt (Amy Steele) has spotted a blood-splattered corpse drifting under the docks, and Nikki has fallen into a well overrun by the freshly strewn bodies of their friends. Of course, Muffy herself is also acting rather strangely: her quirky, innocent personality has shifted, and she's acting oddly, daydreaming about nothing and saying uncomfortable shit like:

Muffy: "Sometimes with the tides . . . it takes somebody all night to get here from the mainland. And even then sometimes . . . they don't make it."

It's now a case of whodunit, with the gnarled finger of suspicion pointing at the unfortunately-named Muffy. It doesn't put the friends at ease when they call the police, and they're told to "Stay away from Muffy". As the "body count" rises, and the climax draws closer, it's up to Kitt and her boyfriend, Rob (Ken Olandt) to piece together Muffy's murky past, including a twist that'll make you re-think the entire film.

Given the twist-ending, the film rises above conventional slasher films, providing something fresh and original, even if not entirely satisfying for some horror-fans. The performances by the young cast are certainly above-average, especially for such a modest budget -- Amy Steele once again makes a great protagonist, and Deborah Foreman is in turns sweet and creepy as Muffy/Buffy. The characters could have easily fallen into the stereotypes of standard horror films. Sure, there's the presence of the jock, the shy girl, the geek and the sex-kitten (of course, Deborah Goodrich embodies Nikki with enough energy and feist, adding more layers to the archetype than many of her predecessors).

Tuesday Trailer of the Week!

2008-11-04T13:02:00.000-08:00

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

I have a soft spot for Wes Craven's earlier work: The Last House on the Left (1972), The Hills Have Eyes (1977), A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984). Heck, I even enjoyed Deadly Friend (1986) (aside from that pretty shiteous ending. Shudder). But, The Hills Have Eyes is one of my favourites: I love the ever-present theme of normal, civilised folks becoming brutal savages in the name of survival. Love it. It's possibly why I share an interest in the nature of the Final Girl. In short, Wes Craven may put his characters through hell, but he still cares for them. He still wants them to succeed (well, Last House aside . . .)

Looking through my collection, I forgot how Goddamn repetitive these old horror trailers were -- did the majority of folk living in the 70s suffer from memory loss/the inability to read? 'Cause, jeeze-oh, I think we know the film is called "The Hills Have Eyes". Bloody hell, we've only heard it half a dozen times.

PS: Watch out for the dodgy inbred cannibal wearing a great big fuckin' 70s wig! Fun!

National Novel Writing Month/ Happy Halloween!

2008-11-03T01:15:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it transpires that November is National Novel Writing Month. And I'd never even heard of this glorious Internet-event before. Sure, I've heard of tosh like "Three Girls and a Cup" (Yes, no hyperlinkage. I may be a bore, but I'm keeping it clean and relatively shit free), and a bunch of other stuff. But no NNWM.

So, this year, I'm gonna attempt it. Yeah, I've got a gazillion other things I should be working on, but I really, really want to do this, so it's okay.

The goal is to write a 175 page novel (50, 000 words roughly), finishing before midnight on November 30th. The site also praises the crap you write -- and with a first draft, rest assured, you shall write crap. By the bucketful. But, as I previously stated, the crap is praised, and you get to join hands with other NNWM-ers in unity, knowing you've persevered. You also get a groovy certificate. Thus you need no other incentive. So, do it! Be my NNWM pal!

Also, hope everyone had a nice Halloween! Here's a couple of pictures from my second night dressed up as some skanky vamp (I'm the gimp on the right). Had an awesome night. First night we went on some ghost tour up near our local canal (that seems to be where our history is located . . . or something), and I had to walk around the woods drunk, with my white dressed tucked into my knee-high boots. Otherwise I'd be tripping around the joint. Not pretty or ladylike.

My vampire teeth look crappish here, but they were actually VERY cool. And sturdy. I know because I once bit Chris with them on -- he totally insisted, and I was like; "No . . . no! Okay!" Also, you can't see my tattoos/scratch marks, but they were also cool. My friend (to the left) was dressed as Sweeny Todd, but most folk thought he was a Butler. On account of this, I clicked my fingers and told him to get me a nice virgin. He wasn't impressed.

I want . . .

2008-10-21T07:25:00.001-07:00

I want an Elvira statue. Yes, I do. I'm not really the kinda girl that's into collecting figurines (I know, shock horror . . .), but I really, really like this. Does this desire justify an entire blog post? Eh, feck yes! The statue pleases me, but sadly, the price-tag does not

Also, why is this the only decent close-up available? I'm not a demanding person, but I think we can do better than the standard cleavage shots. Especially if I'm gonna fork over my hard-earned cash. On a related note, I found £10 on the street today. I felt really guilty for picking it up, and started chatting to some old woman nearby, and asked if she'd seen anyone who'd dropped it. She told me to pocket it. That's right. She told me to pocket it: "There's nuthing ye can do, hen". I was torn, I tell you: I normally give money I find to charity, but alas there was none nearby (I know cause I searched), so I took the old woman's advice. There endeth my tale.

Movie Review: Vampire Diary

2008-10-20T02:47:00.000-07:00

Vampire Diary (2007)

Dir. Mark James & Phil O'Shea

I hadn't heard about Vampire Diary until I'd read the review in the September issue of Fangoria. They'd proudly declared the film "Video of the Month", and given the review a nice, distinctive border -- dividing it from such tosh like Dracula's Guest and Hybrid (a tale of some poor sap, who during a transplant, has been given the eyes of a wolf --yes, really). Make no mistake, Vampire Diary may differ in quality, but it's low budget practically screams from the word go. For example: most of the sequences outside of the grimy, London clubs were filmed in one of the Director's apartments. Although a rather cramped environment, this provides the film with a greater sense of intimacy, focusing on the characters as opposed to details in the background. Even when our characters are on the run, and there is a City-wide search for them, all we hear is sirens and flickering news footage. It detaches the meager cast from the rest of the world, making their status as outcasts even more plausible.

The plot is another "found footage" affair, stemming from a sub genre which includes horror classic, The Blair Witch Project (1999), George Romero's Diary of the Dead (2007), Cloverfield (2008), [REC] (2007), and The Zombie Diaries (2006). Where the forgotten footage sub genre was rather fresh in the late 90s, it's now feeling a little bit stale, earning its own set of cliches. However, Vampire Diary does succeed in bringing new ideas to the fold -- a marvellous thing too, given the small production values. The story in question unfolds through the camera lens of Holly (the wonderfully Scottish-sounding Morven Macbeth), a young film maker who's producing a documentary on "weekend vampires"-- a cult of Goths who prance around London, dressed-up as vampires, complete with fangs. They're known as The Kindred, and they're a friendly bunch:

Holly is unfazed, but one night, when she is taping her particular band of subjects, she notices another vampy-looking woman filming her. Vicki (Hellboy II's Anna Walton) is a blood sucker with a difference -- she lacks fangs, saunters around in the daylight and kills her victims using a bolt-gun before slurping their blood. She also doesn't sleep in a coffin, which is lucky for Holly as Vicki is soon sharing her bed. But, Holly isn't aware of her girlfriend's origins until members of the Goth clique start dying, and Vicki-the-vampire confesses, showing her footage of the killings. Holly is horrified, but searches for new ways for Vicki to control her blood lust. In one sequence they try to rob a blood bank, only to appear in the news for their efforts. Their situation, however, is further complicated as the police draw closer, and Vicki reveals she is pregnant with a vampire baby.

The presentation of the vampire as a possible serial killer has been done before --most notably perhaps, in George Romero's fantastic Martin (1977), which also blurs the boundaries of psychological drama and disturbing horror -- is Martin a vampire or just really fucked-up? The debate regarding Vicki's vampirism is handled much the same, and is played about through out the film. The debate itself has even divided Writer/co-Director Phil O'Shea, Mark James and Producer Michael Riley. Taken from Fangoria #276:

"I'm never in any doubt that she is," says O'Shea unequivocally -- and as scriptwriter, ought to know. "One thing that concerned me was that if we made the film and transpired that she was not a vampire, horror audiences might feel a bit disappointed and let down." But Riley disagrees: "In my opinion, she is not a vampire. She shows how a smart, intelligent, sexy woman can manipulate people into thinking certain things. And she gets away with it. There's nothing, as far as I'm concerned, in the film that says absolutely, unequivocally that she's a supernatural monster. What she does is totally physical." That leaves James . . . "We always liked the idea of playing with the question of whether she is or not, and wanting to leave it open . . . You have to make your own mind up. I don't think I can really say."

Vampire Diary successfully avoids the pitfalls of the lesbian vampire sub genre -- this isn't an exploitation film, glorifying nudity or gore (even though there is plenty of each). It's more of a drama, a character study -- the idea that we're witnessing everything through the lens of Holly and Vicky's camera makes scenes travel at a choppy, comic book-like speed, disrupting the overall pace of the narrative. Although this may seem a bit disorientating, it provides a wider insight into the nature of Vicky and Holly's relationship -- we see their highs, and their lows -- their fights and make-up sex. Walton and Macbeth both play their parts beautifully -- Vicki is given enough vulnerability to underline her savage tendencies, whilst displaying a life-long sense of loneliness, and Holly's pushy edge dissolves as she does everything to protect her lover, and feed her.

Aside from this, Vampire Diary isn't without it's faults -- there's the usual quibbles and inconsistencies when it comes to documentary-style films: are the characters really that obsessed in film making? Oh, that's convenient, there's an ideal camera ledge right above their bath tub . . .There acting ability also varies when it comes to the co-stars, and the music is often rather intrusive -- but I guess it comes with the territory of such a film. Of course, these are minor, and it's easier to commend the film, especially given its tight budget. Vampire Diary may not be astounding film making, and it's not for everyone, but it's unique in its own twisted way, and you could do a whole lot worse than check this little film out.

Blog posts have benefits

2008-10-17T14:45:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so on Thursday I was drowning my sorrows . . .

No, I didn't flunk a class (this time/yet), but it was my birthday. Yup, a whole other year older, and just as fuckin' stupid. And no, I'm not telling you my birthday -- and don't let the Myspace fool ya. I'm as stealthy as a ninja. A rather drunken ninja. Okay, maybe just drunken? Anyway, I'm a lady; I'm not divulging such details. However, at this rate, if I'm lucky, I'll end up as the slightly eccentric member of this bunch:

If I'm not lucky, then I'll end up like this:

Or slightly worse (heck, at least I'll have good teeth):

Anyway, the best part about birthdays is the presents -- eh, I mean the family together-ness. Obviously. Remember when I made this post, like back in the day? Well, I got what I asked for. Which just goes to show you: writing blogs does have it's perks. And if you have a lack of dignity/self respect (like I do), you too can get what you ask *cough* beg *cough* for.

Oh, and I also got the Hammer Horror boxset, which is just uber amazing. A perfect introduction to old-school British horror. If yer interested . . .

Trailer of the Week: The Haunting (1963)

2008-10-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

"It was an evil house in the beginning -- a house that was born bad."

I know it sounds slightly ridiculous, but that's always the line of dialogue that resurfaces from my memory when I think of The Haunting. To say that it made an impression on me in my youth would be an understatement: I think it's the definitive ghost story. Sure, there's no gore and very little violence -- heck, there isn't even the obvious appearance of a malicious creature, but Director Robert Wise (whose horror credentials also include Curse of the Cat People and The Body Snatcher in the 1940s) has used other means to create a classic, psychological horror film. What's scary is simple: it's the unseen -- the tension that mounts, the noises and the strange, unexplainable occurrences. Just watch the films opening scene, which details the gruesome back story to Hill House, and the deaths of its previous occupants. It creates a mounting sense of dread through out The Haunting.

You know, I guess I've put myself in the mood for watching this ghost story again.

Homage Horror

2008-10-11T09:35:00.000-07:00

I was watching Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2008) last night, and it got me reflecting upon the recent surge of "homage horror". You know the kind, man; films that attempt to emulate the conventions of a certain brand of horror, be it a sub-genre/decade. And I know, sometimes it vomits up the dead-horse debate of originality -- surely this rehash of old ideas, cliches is just a stage below remakes? And I'm not the biggest fan of remakes. Ooh, Michael Bay, how I'd fuckin' LOVE to slap you across the kisser with a massive, slimy trout. Hey, you thought I was above idle threats? Well, you were wrong! Heck, even Uwe Boll has some not-so-nice things to say about Michael. They should totally do a charity event together, like a boxing match. I'd donate.

Yes, Michael, I most certainly would!

Anyway, I actually dig homage horror. I understand the plight regarding first-time filmmakers and their desire to project a story harking back to their youth. Which I'm sure they'll be happy to note. I think it's a sweet, heartwarming affair: passionate filmmakers, not corrupted by the lure of Hollywood, wanting to create a film specifically for horror fans. Sigh, it's romantic.

Recent horror films paying homage which I loved:

Grindhouse (2007)
Okay, so Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's joint venture pretty much flopped -- a fact that still irks me today: the films were torn apart for release in Britain, and our local cinema didn't even show Planet Terror! Oh, but they had the nerve to show Bratz (2007). Cineworld I may park my ass in your seats, and savour your popcorn, but you're still a heartless bastard!

The trailer for Grindhouse is one of my favourites, and spent a good few months circulating around my Myspace. It sets the tone and general kick-ass fun of the film.

Slither (2006)
An ode to Writer/Director James Gunn's favourite horror films. Slither is a sci-fi, horror comedy with elements of Night of the Creeps (1986), The Blob (1958), Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956), Shivers (1975), Society (1989) and many more. The film follows fan favourite, Nathan Fillion, a sheriff as he battles against slug-like aliens who've invaded his home town.

Hatchet (2006)
Echoing the gore-drenched slasher flicks of the 80s, Hatchet proudly describes itself as "Old school American horror", literally on its sleeve. Kane Hodder and Robert Englund also have cameos, with Hodder doubling up his roles as villain, Victor Crowley, a particularly savage guy, who's prone to ripping his victims a part with his bare hands.

And also to note is Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2008). Expect a review coming soon. If you haven't seen it, then I heartily recommend that you do so.

Dodgy DVDs

2008-10-08T02:26:00.000-07:00

Urgh. I am an utter tit.

I spent most of today around Edinburgh/Glasgow, dragging poor and unfortunate Chris around any DVD shop I could find. Granted, he has piss-poor directional skills, and I didn't have a map, but I reckon we found every shop worthy of a second glance. Of course we were looking for films of a “certain sub-genre”", and what did we find? Not much would be putting it mildly.

Perhaps I'm somewhat deluded, but I would have thought that 70s lesbian vampire movies would be pretty popular, no? But then again, I probably think there should be an entire section-- no, fuck that! An entire shop erected in dedication. And then that would pave the way for more movies, and a stream of remakes! Not that I'd be entirely stoked about the remakes, but whatever.

Ah, but our journey wasn't entirely all doom an' gloom; we did find Vampyros Lesbos (1970), the relatively well-known Jess Franco film (If you can deem Jess Franco "well-known"). Of course, some bugger had stolen my bag and henceforth my ID (like, a year ago . . .), and I have yet to get another form of acceptable identification . . . or something. I mean, I get ID'd for everything, and being halted by the till-person for wanting to purchase a film entitled "Vampyros Lesbos" wouldn't be my crowning moment of glory. It's annoying: when I look back at films, and young, good-looking girls like myself are in trouble, often getting stopped by some stern old guy, they fall upon the: "Oh, it's for my Grandma, Sir! Please, pity my young and reckless ways!" Heck, I couldn't even do that in this situation. Plus, it was woman till-server/person. So, naturally, Chris got ushered into buying it.

PS: I've just successfully buggered my laptop. Being the genius that I am, I have managed to yank the enter button off the keyboard (I was trying to remove dust . . .) with the use of a novelty cock nail file. That's quite an important button, isn't it? Dammit.

Ignore the cartoon-woman's cheery smile; cock nail files cause nothing but trouble. Just like the real thing. Ha.

Tuesday Trailer of the Week! Night of the Comet

2008-10-07T13:45:00.001-07:00

Night of the Comet (1984)

Here we are, and Night of the Comet makes the second Trailer of the Week. I haven't seen this flick, so I've plastered it across ma blog -- maybe it'll actually encourage me to track it down? Ah, who knows. But it's added to "The List", which isn't as ominous or as well-structured as it sounds.

How awesome . . .

2008-10-04T11:12:00.000-07:00

How fuckin' awesome is Ingrid Pitt?!

I've recently watched The Vampire Lovers (1970), and I'm mesmerised. Do you hear me? Freakin' mesmerised. Of course, there's other words that can describe Mrs. Pitt. But, I'll try to hold onto my somewhat piss-poor sense of dignity, and leave them to your imagination. In this movie she isn't just stunning, but her character, Carmilla is also savage, deceptive, soft and somewhat gentle. She's also passionate; "I want you to love me for all your life". And extremely deadly. It's poetry, man.

With The Vampire Lovers, I also watched Vampyres (1974), another well-known lesbian vampire movie. And who doesn't love vampires? Or lesbians!?

I'll review both films shortly, but I'm planning to something more spectacular. Perhaps a week dedicated to the sub-genre?

Movie Review: Outpost

2008-10-02T03:45:00.000-07:00

Outspost (2008)

Dir. Steve Barker

"What the hell's Outpost? A horror film with zombies and Nazis?"
"Nooooo! A horror movie with zombie Nazis."

Yes, despite my razor-sharp intellect and Audry Hepburn sophistication, that was sadly how I was sold on Steve Barker's Outpost, a horror movie with, yes, a wee army of undead Nazis at its disposal -- or lack of, actually. The plot is simple, and is typical of such horror/action hybrids. We follow a "battle-hardened team of mercenaries", who've been paid loads by dodgy engineer, Hunt to go on some secret mission in an old, underground Nazi bunker. The team is composed of a variety of nationalities; an American, a Scotsman, a Somalian, a couple of English folks and an Irish man. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, doesn't it? But Outpost isn't played for laughs; it aims to be a straight-up, gruff horror/action movie. A man's movie!! Grrr! Heck, even the quotation-thingy on the DVD case comes from trashy lad's mag, Nuts: "Gory, disturbing . . . we love it".

Fuck, my fingers feel like they're shrivelling up after typing that shit. Never mind, back to the movie . . .The team are targeted as soon as they arrive at the bunker, and despite their expertise, one of their team-mates is shot. Taking shelter in the bunker, they discover a room piled with naked corpses and a sadistic-lookin' machine, which Hunt is drawn to. It transpires that the Nazis had been using the machine in an attempt to create some kind of "Nazi super soldier". It's here that the film tries to sound technical, pulling in the theories of Albert Einstein, and pseudo scientific explanations that aren't needed. It ultimately makes the mediocre script clunker, weighing down the action and dragging out the plot.

Although low budget, Outpost is a good first attempt by Barker. The single setting is made all the more atmospheric with its dull, grim lights and claustrophobic corridors. Characterisation isn't privy here, and our team are largely defined by their accents more than anything else. Coupled with the dull lightening, it can even get confusing at which mercenary you're watching. The mere notion that it's soldiers in the fray will instantly draw parallels with British director, Neil Marshall's superior Dog Soldiers (2002). The Nazis themselves truly are creepy figures, appearing out of the mist mirroring the zombie-like ghosts in John Carpenters The Fog (1980), their faces are slate-grey, features hidden under the shadows of their bulky helmets. They're a terrifying, unnerving bunch.

Following the recent flurry of British horror, Outpost follows the standard visceral, bleak ending a la Eden Lake (2008). And without giving away a major spoiler in the narrative, it does seem like a bit of a cop-out. It's an easy way to draw an emotional response from an audience without coming up with a well-rounded ending. However, it may be that final, lingering shot which unnerves.

Trailer of the Week! Night of the Creeps

2008-10-01T06:17:00.001-07:00

So, Trailer of the Week is a new thang I'm gonna be starting. Like, starting from now, and hopefully appearing every Tuesday. Except this one is appearing on a Wednesday! Hey, it's good to be spontaneous. Or confusing. Whatever.

I'll be picking something random, be it a classic trailer, trash -- most likely a trailer that is actually better than the films itself. Heck, sometimes it might just be a trailer from a film that I haven't seen before. It'll be a mixed-bag, baby.

This weeks trailer comes from 1986's Night of the Creeps, a horror, sci-fi, comedy hybrid, complete with fuckin' horrendous hair-styles. Glorious.

Spoilers; Eden Lake

2008-09-26T12:27:00.001-07:00

Right, so I wasn't really planning on writing spoilers. But, it seems like folk are actually wanting to know the gory details, so I've tagged them on at the end of the review. I have to admit, I ended up detailing the entire film mostly, but keep in mind that I've only seen Eden Lake once!

Basically, if I've missed anything crucial out, it's cool if you mention it. Just, you know, also be aware that I wrote it down in haste!

Eden Lake; Review and Spoilers

Movie Review: Eden Lake

2008-09-24T05:18:00.000-07:00

Eden Lake (2008)

Dir. James Watkins

Warning; for this article, spoilers lurk at the end of this review.

Yeah, I know. I promised I'd have this review up, like ten days ago. I'm a very bad girl. But only in the nicest possible way. It's cool, trust me; your Mom knows what I mean. Ha! I'm only joking . . . yeah, the old jokes never ware thin in this household. Anyway, lets just get on to the movie review, shall we? Yes, I think we should. Preferably before I start spouting more bile.

'Feral Youth' is a subject widely publicised in contemporary Britain, particularly where the tabloids are concerned. You can normally find entire articles dedicated to Chavs/Neds wedged between pictures of Amy Winehouse's latest bust-up and a piece dealing with a gay Footballer. Yeah, the British tabloids are that flexible.

Okay, so the articles in question are generally classed as scaremongering at its shittiest, but these stories (believe it or not!) are occasionally derived from real-life occurrences. Right, I'm going to make another bold (and henceforth stupid) maneuver, and I am going to state this: I do not like Neds. If you're a Ned, I hate you -- well, actually I don't care about you enough to hate you, let's just say I express a strong dislike for you -- like mince. Yeah, you're like mince to me. Chances are, if you're a decent person, and you've ever encountered a Ned, you'll dislike them also. Oh, and btw, Ned stands for: Non-educated delinquent or something. Which fits perfectly. And make no mistake, the villains who roam James Watkins' Eden Lake are not like Burgess and Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange, where Alex and his droogs are running amok. No, these villains, (although it's still a standard Youth vs Age affair), aren't intelligent, cultured or witty. They're knife-welding, music-blasting, violent, little thugs. I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire.

The film follows London couple, Steve and Jenny on a romantic break to Eden Lake (Dun dun duun), a beautiful, isolated getaway, where Steve (Michael Fassbender, he of Hex fame and CGI epic, 300) plans to propose to Jenny (Kelly Reilly). However, our couple soon cross paths with the local yobs, and early attempts at being civil soon deteriorate into a horrendous, bloody chase through the woodland.

What happens next is truly grueling and uncomfortable to watch. The scene where Steve is tied-up, and filmed via a mobile phone while various members of the young gang stab him acts as a prime example. It's like an article stolen from the pages of The Daily Record or The Sun, displayed in gruesome detail. It's up to school teacher, Jenny and her bloody flimsy shoes to save the day (watch the film; you'll see what I mean, man). Watching her character deteriorate onscreen is a heart aching affair as Reilly makes her so damn sweet.

The film is vicious and relentless; just as it seems like, "Oh that's a spot of luck. They're going to be alright", Watkins pitches his main characters further into a hellish nightmare. As the ending arrived, I was hoping for the standard outsiders-get-revenge routine, even though it is cliched. Sometimes, Eden Lake just seemed like one bloody chase. Of course, my opinion may be passed on the fact that the gang leader is just so unlikeable. Honestly, he's a smart-arsed prick, but fantastically acted all the same.

Of course, Eden Lake does nothing for rural working class communities, and it is a shame (perhaps some decent folk peppered around the narrative would have evened up the odds?). Instead, the youth and their parents are portrayed as nothing more than drunken, violent, snarling white trash. In this sense, the film retreads ancient ground, touching upon films such as Straw Dogs (which follows similar ideas of intelligent outsiders being victimised by primitive locals), Last House on the Left and I Spit On Your Grave, sharing a similar sense of barbarity and gritty, hopeless characters.

Eden Lake's ending is bleak and raw, and for me, that is the films downfall; although it isn't a bad film, not by any means, it also isn't enjoyable or entertaining. The protagonists struggle through every frame, and we feel as though we're trudging along with them, on the edge, heart pounding, wondering when it will all end. Still, Eden Lake is a brilliant slice of modern-day horror, representing a fear relevant in contemporary Britain.

Here be spoilers;

Steve and Jenny have travelled to Eden Lake, a quiet, isolated venture in the countryside. Steve's apparently visited before, and thinks it's the ideal place to propose. They walk through the woodlands, obviously happy. Jenny sees a young boy doing some sort of Biology homework. She tries to talk to him, but he says his mum says he's not supposed to speak to strangers. Jenny smiles, and leaves him to finish his work.

Upon getting there, they're disappointed to see a group of teenagers hanging around, listening to music while their rottweiler barks at Jenny. But, undeterred, our couple begin to relax. It isn't until later, that the youth let their dog off its leash, and laugh as it barks at Jenny further, snarling in her face. Steve has had enough; he approaches the gang, and asks them to control their pet, albeit in a civil manner. They laugh at him, and throw insults.

Later that night, Jenny gets the feeling someone is watching them. She asks Steven to go outside their tent and check. He comes back laughing; there's no one there. After their second night, Steve wakes up to find that someone has stolen his bag -- where he kept his car keys and mobile phone. Clearly pissed-off, he's even more distraught to find that his Jeep is gone. Walking through the woods, they hear the roar of an engine, and Steve's jeep comes crashing through the woods, nearly running into Jenny.

They find the young gang at a fire, drinking. It's obvious they've stolen the car, and Steve's mobile -- the leader is even wearing Steve's sunglasses. The rottweiler is chained, but barks as he approaches. Steve calmly asks for his stuff back. The youths draw pocketknives, and a fight breaks out -- the leader's rottweiler is accidentally killed by Steve. The couple somehow get into the car and put the foot down. In the dark, with the headlights broken, Steve crashes. Stuck and badly hurt, he persuades Jenny to run and get help, but with the gang looking for her, she hides until morning.

The morning after, Jenny sneaks around the woodland, and eventually finds the jeep; Steve is gone. She finds him tied to a tree-trunk, the gang around him, the leader snarling in his face; he's threatening to kill Jenny when he finds her. The leader then gets everyone else to stab Steve, while the female of the gang films it on her mobile phone. This is to further ensure that everyone is involved now. As Steve is badly injured, the gang find Jenny and chase her.

Steve escapes, and runs into Jenny. It's obvious that he's seriously wounded -- perhaps dying, but Jenny helps him, and they hide in a hut by the lake. He then tells her that he was planning on asking her to marry him, and he starts talking about their future honeymoon. Jenny tells him she will marry him, but she'll have to get help first. She leaves him hidden amongst the long grass by the lake.

Encountering the young boy she'd previously met, Jenny asks him to use his phone to get her help. He says he can't get a signal, but his mum's coming to pick him up, and she can get help then. It's obvious the boy is lying; he tells Jenny he's playing a game on his phone, but she discovers that he's sent a text, straight to the gang. They arrive, attack Jenny and knock her out.

When she awake, she find herself tied down, beside her lies Steve --who's now dead. The leader douses them in gasoline, and tries to get the young boy to light her. The leader says he can join the gang, if he does. The boy panics, and says no. Steve is set alight. Jenny screams as she watches him burn beside her, feeling the heat of the fire spread alongside her. Again everything is filmed via mobile phone. The leader looses patience with the young boy, and starts to douse him in gasoline. The fire burns away the rope, and Jenny runs away. She hears the young boy scream as he too, is set alight.

Jenny is now a mess; she's bloody, caked in mud and completely broken. She's like a mad woman, wandering about the woodland. She grabs a shard of glass, and one of the younger gang members approaches her, alone. She turns round and stabs him in the neck, and then realisation grips her; she holds the boy, sobbing and apologising. But it's too late. He dies.

The leader is loosing the respect of his gang; the young boy that Jenny killed has been found. Another boy says he's leaving; the leader beats him up, possibly killing him. The girl with the mobile phone runs into the woodland. She's had too much as well.

Jenny falls into a road, and his nearly run over. The car stops, and gives her a lift. The man tells her that he's coming to pick up his brother. Jenny demands to be let out; he's the brother of one of the gang members, and he'll possibly kill her. He doesn't know what she's on about, but he stops the car when he sees a boy, a gang member emerge from the woodlands. Jenny takes her opportunity and steals the car.

She's driving along, and the female gang member run out into her path. Jenny puts her foot down, running her over, and killing her. Weak, she makes it into town, but crashes the car. She stumbles out, and comes across a party, the people watch as she passes out.

Waking up again, she begs them for help, they laugh and tell her she's had to much to drink. Then Jenny sees the rottweiler, and another empty bowl. She sees the family pictures and realises that she's at the gang leaders house. She runs to the toilet, locking herself in. She raids the cupboards and finds a knife. The leader returns home, tells his parents that Jenny killed his friends. The leader's dad belts him, and decides that they need to act. The adults break into the toilet, Jenny tries to defend herself, but to no avail. The men drag her back into the bathroom, and all we hear are her screams. The leader returns to his bedroom, and looks into his mirror. Alone.

Groovy Website: Survive the Outbreak!

2008-09-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

Soooo, we don't have a "Groovy Website of the Week/Month/Whatever", but I encountered a website today which is seriously making me reconsider.

Yes, if I had a fuckin' awesome award, this site would devour it whole.

Survive the outbreak is basically a 'Zombie choose your own adventure movie'.

You know, like those books you used to read as a kid . . . but with zombies, man! I used to be addicted to them, so now I'm pushing homework aside (again), and procrastinating for the next half an hour or so . . .

Art: Troma

2008-09-21T13:47:00.001-07:00

Ever since I've seen The Toxic Avenger, I've had a soft spot for Troma. You know, those guys who make those purposely trashy, but always interesting independent Horror flicks.

Well, I lie; The Toxic Avenger wasn't by first venture into Troma -- believe it or not, but I was actually introduced by weekday cartoon, The Toxic Crusaders, which was fabulous, if sadly short-lived. Still, I can remember the theme tune fondly. Man, it was rockin'.

What're your favourite Troma movies? Here's mine;

When I donned my Vamp fangs for Halloween, my brother called me a name which related to this films title. No. Actually, that reminds me; he called me a "Vampire bitch". Wee prick. Of course, being the lady that I am, I delivered a swift hook to tha gut in response.

One lazy bitch!

2008-09-21T13:40:00.000-07:00

Hey, guys

Sorry for the piss-poor updates. No excuse.

I've seen some freakin' awesome Horror movies recently, and I'll get some reviews up in the next couple of days;

I've still got a review of Eden Lake coming up, as well as another excellent British Horror, Outpost.

Oh, and Halloween is coming up! Where the hell are your costumes?! I hope you've got something sorted out? Halloween is the season for the Horror buff. I'll have some "Ooh Recommendations" Coming up too!

Movie Review: Doomsday

2008-09-15T03:38:00.000-07:00

Doomsday (2008)

Dir. Neil Marshall

Following on from the success of Dog Soldiers and The Descent, Neil Marshall’s third feature is a more buffed-up, explosive affair. A concoction derived from Aliens, The Warriors, Mad Max and Escape from New York, the action dizzyingly swifts from a diseased-ridden futuristic London, to apocalyptic Scotland and then it's quickly off to the Medieval Highlands for some swordplay. Oh yeah, and then there's a mad car chase involving a brand-spankin' new Bentley. And a slightly modified bus.

Aesthetically, Doomsday is rich and multi-layered; it's interesting to see the many visions of a Dystopian society, particularly in direct contrast with each other. But this doesn't make for a smooth narrative -- the plot is jarring, and the rapid shift in settings (especially when it's in the same bloody Country!) leaves behind boulder-sized plot holes -- why the need to resort to cannibalism when there are so many bloody cows around?!

The plot in question concerns the deadly Reaper virus. Years ago, it lay waste to Scotland; with the threat running rampant, the simplest idea was to wall off the entire Country, keeping the 'infected' at bay with giant machine guns surrounding the perimeter -- an idea illustrated by horrible bunny death! Thirty years later, and the Reaper virus begins to creep back, striking in an overcrowded London. Through the use of satellite imagery, the Government learns that there are survivors in the grimy Scottish cities, meaning that there must also be a cure. Led by Major Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra), a team of soldiers and scientists are sent beyond the wall, hoping to track down Dr Kane (Malcolm McDowell), who may or may not have the cure.

After the Aliens style battle, where our heroes battle angry Glaswegians, it all goes a bit Mad Max when the leader, Sol (and son of Dr Kane) captures our team, treating them to a primitive can-can, complete with pole dancers before making with the cannibalism. The make-up of the marauders here is intriguing, if a tad unoriginal. They jump around, looking like a snarling, venomous version of that teenage-drama show, The Tribe. The big showdown exists in the slightly Lord of the Rings-esque Highlands and cultivates in a marvellous, if stupid car chase down a deserted motorway.

In terms of acting, Bob Hoskins and Malcolm McDowell add a touch of class to the fray. However, the burden lies on Rhona Mitra's shoulders as tough-as-old-boots Eden Sinclair. To put it mildly, she's no Linda Hamilton -- Mitra may be able to snarl out the odd swear word, and cart around a badass weapon, but she lacks charisma and remains ineffectual. The rest of the cast aren't much better, and ultimately, unlike the characters which populate the films Doomsday pays homage to, we don't really care about them.

Although Doomsday is an 80's homage/science fiction/fantasy hybrid, there's no shortage of gore -- heads are blown off, bodies are ran over, people are cooked alive -- blood is strewn across the screen in bucketfuls, even splattering against the camera in one particular fight with a solder and a Knight. Pretty soon our team's mission deteriorates into nothing but a primal game of survival. And that's just fine. The plot at this point is unimportant -- Doomsday may be inconsistent gobbledygook, but it's enjoyable gobbledygook. Just remember to leave your brain behind, and enjoy the bumpy ride.

Coming soon! Eden Lake and Doomsday

2008-09-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

Just seen two British films: James Watkins Eden Lake (2008) and Neil Marshall's Doomsday (2008) back-to-back. Reviews coming soon, kids!

Just a small note: while major spoilers will be kept out of the reviews, they're welcomed in the comments section. You know I heartily endorse discussion, and I LOVE to hear different opinions.

Art: Frankenstein

2008-09-12T11:37:00.000-07:00

That ain't a kids film!

2008-09-11T06:57:00.000-07:00

"Children's" films can be scary too

Everyone can pick some obscure, creepy flick from their childhood which scared them ridged, right? You know, the type of film you look back upon and think: WTF!? Who decided to market this shit to kids?! I once had a friend who was terrified from Postman Pat. Yes, I know, sad, but true. It's the size of his nose, she told me, it just like, completely dominates his face. And you know what? I can kinda see where she was coming from. So, anyway, I was just thinking (as I'm sometimes inclined to do), and decided to compile a list of the films which scared the crap outta me in my youth. Ahh . . . drum roll, please.

******

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)

Oh, c'mon, many a childhood nightmare was based on this guy! You cannot have a list of childhood villains and not have him making an appearance. Yes, it's that man in serious need of a nose job, the Child-catcher. Like a 60s wicked witch, he lures children into his hybrid wagon/cage-thing with the promise of sweets and other niceties. What a sneaky bastard. If it were a horror movie, you know the kids would get revenge, echoing The Hills Have Eyes. Jeeze-oh, at this point you're bound to think; "What an utter scum-sucking bitch! She's totally got a vendetta against people with above-average noses! I'm gonna rip her a new one!" Can I just point out that that isn't the case? I mean, I totally dig Tim Roth as much as the next person.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)

Where to start with this one? There's far too much material to work with here. Lets see, for starters there's the numerous 'disappearances' in Wonka's deathtrap of a chocolate factory. Witnessing Augustus Gloop getting sucked up the giant, chocolate tube-thing was a horrible image, made all the worse that Wonka simply didn't give a shit. I don't care what anyone else says! That man was cold! Aside from the Oompa Loompas, (who illustrated the onscreen carnage via sing-song), there is also the fuckin' demented boat ride down the fuckin' disgusting chocolate river, where we, the family are greeted to an image of a chicken getting it's head chopped off. Nice.

Return to Oz (1985)

Despite it's Oz connection, make no mistake, this film isn't like The Wizard of Oz. There's no Judy Garland nor is there the presence of happy, singing Munchkins. Instead, Dorothy is sent to some dodgy psychiatric hospital where she is given shock treatment in a desperate bid to cure her "fantasies" of Oz. And this is only the beginning, folks. There are strange, seemingly doped-up characters called Wheelers, who incidentally, have wheels in place of hands and feet. There's also the awesome Mombie, who has a collection of living heads, which she can switch around, like a collection of shoes -- fleshy, eye-rolling shoes. Scariest scene is of a headless Mombie chasing Dorothy, while her head watches on, commanding her strange twig-like body to catch her.

The Watcher in the Woods (1980)

Another Disney oldie that I haven't seen in ages. I'm certain I have the DVD lurking about somewhere, perhaps buried knee-deep amongst the other piles of DVDs scattered around the joint. If you like old, largely forgotten Disney movies, then this is one to look out for. The image of a ghostly, blindfolded girl appearing in the mirrors is unforgettable. A great Disney "ghost" story.

Oooh, recommendations!

2008-09-08T01:12:00.000-07:00

Right, so basically highlighting how bloody cool and rock-solid I was as a kid, I asked 'Santa' to bring me this for Christmas;

See no Evil was a great find. I first heard of it from a review in Empire, and sought it out afterwards. I was 13, and totally looking forward to dipping into it on Christmas day (yes, that would be ma highlight. Screw the chocolates, and the family-togetherness). Imagine my disappointment when my Mum reported that dearest Dad had flicked through the pages, and then put it down in disgust; "We can't give this to our darling daughter; there's naked women in this . . . and a certain degree of violence."
Heh. No shit. It was the best book ever. Well, in all honesty, my outlook wasn't quite like that; I was interested in banned film and video controversy, particularly in relation to the notorious Video Nasties, which I was too young to have known about. This book was a goldmine, opening my eyes to a plethora of films that I had to get my hands on including: The Beyond, The Evil Dead, The Last House on the Left, Shogun Assassin, Zombie Flesh Eaters, Dead and Buried, Cannibal Holocaust and Tenebrae.

See no Evil gives a history of the subsequent Video Nasties and the Video Recordings act 1984, which followed. Giving a detailed synopsis of the films on the list -- including such utter shite as Don't Go in the Woods . . . Alone! (1980), which is one of those rare films that makes you wanna gouge out your eyeballs with a rusty knife. Got your doubts? Go Here.

Next on the list is the Eyeball Compendium, a fantastic book from FAB press. It contains articles from Eyeball magazine 1989 - 2002. With interviews, reviews and other features, it's definitely worth checking out their website, and eBay as some of their books are now out of print.

Again, stemming from my interest in video nasties, is this simple, but informative pictorial reference to 70s 80s exploitation film. Ignoring the ghastly content of the 'nasties' in question, Shock! Horror! Astounding Artwork from the Video Nasty Era examines the censorship surrounding the films themselves, and raises interesting arguments. Also has an extremely handy note regarding DVD availability in the UK.

Nightmare USA: The Untold Story of the Exploit Independents is a detailed encyclopedia of trash/horror/exploitation cinema. Packed within it's 528 LARGE pages, is a variety of interviews, essays and reviews. Scoot over to the FAB Press website to have a more detailed look. It's a must have for anyone interested in Grindhouse cinema.

Note: I don't actually own this. But I'd really, really like to. If any of my FANTASTIC friends are reading this, I'd just like to point out that my birthday is coming up. It's £40.00, (£25.00 on Amazon!) and you can probably pick it up from any good retailer. I asked a friend to buy me it last year, and she was all like; "I'm no' spendin' forty quid on a bloody book!" Ha, good times . . .

Box art: Return of the Living Dead!

2008-09-05T01:30:00.000-07:00

Return of the Living Dead

Because you were home

2008-09-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

The Strangers (2008)

Directed by Bryan Bertino

So, I managed to "convince" a friend to see this with me at our local cinema. I was pretty psyched -- the trailers successfully created a thick, stomach-churning air of tension . . . and okay, the masks looked pretty freaky. Man, I was even drawn towards the posters -- the one with 'Dollface' and an overly large knife was reminiscent of an 80s slasher. For some reason, the line "Because you were home." struck out to me -- the motivation of the killers or more precisely, lack of, is terrifying (it reminds me of Halloween in relation to the Bogeyman without a motivation -- okay, so the sequels quickly diminished that idea, but that's another story for another time). However, in terms of narrative, it is also The Strangers downfall.

The film revolves around Kirsten and James, who are spending the night at an isolated Summer home. The evening is tense -- flashbacks reveal that Kirsten turned down James' marriage proposal earlier on. But their night gets worse with the appearance of The Strangers, a trio of masked psychos out to kill them. It's a game of cat and mouse, as Kirsten and James fight for survival. Do they survive, and more importantly are you going to give a damn?

The cinema, much to my utter disgust, was filled with loud, excitable teenyboppers. You know, the kind that chat/giggle constantly, and cannot go a mere moment without their mobile phones in their sweaty little palms. Now, I don't mind teenyboppers, it's just the kind that are like; "OMG, we're in the dark! Nobody can see us! Let's act like Jackasses and make various animal noises!", that just severely piss me off, and ruin everyone's movie-going experience. And we all want to have a good movie-going experience, right? Yes, we do. Anyway, I was actually wrong this time round; the audience were great, (save a small group of knob-heads who resided like scum, clinging to the sides of the cinema) they jumped at the right bits, screamed and then laughed afterwards. I love it when a film gets a reaction from an audience. It makes the film all the more enjoyable, don't you think? And The Strangers does aim to supply those jumpy moments!

On account of this, The Strangers is a very visual film, and I mean this specifically in terms of beginning, middle and end -- there's little dialogue and a hell of a lot of screaming/crying/atmospheric noise, particularly and annoyingly from Tyler's character. I mean, if I had my ears stuffed with Cotton wool and folded closed with the use of a clothes peg (I know, why the fuck would I do that?! Still, bare with me; I'm trying to make a point somewhere) I'd still be able to understand what was happening, and in great intricate detail. The story is basically furthered by action and very little else. It could've been a fuckin' silent movie, and folk with Charlie Chaplin masks could've been the killers, and we'd still know what was going on . . . hmm, an idea there?

I like dialogue. I like learning about characters, their personalities and how they interact within the narrative. I like characters which evolve. We don't get that here. The ideas presented in the beginning of the film are quickly dispatched, making way for the home invasion. What we DO get is a handful of scares laced together with eerie music, serving to build up dramatic tension. All in all, it makes for a pretty standard horror flick. The Strangers doesn't try to be anything more, and it succeeds.

Liv Tyler's character was an insult. But, I guess where there's a Laurie Strode, Nancy Thompson or Sidney Prescott, there's always going to be a Kirsten McKay. That's the slang from now on, strictly between you and me. If someones a whiny crybaby, who can't look after themselves, they're a Kirsten. If they think it's cool for the guy-with-the-shotgun to leave them. In the house. Alone with at least 3 fuckin' psychos, whose motivation doesn't exist beyond; "Ah, well, you just happened to be on the scene . . . we were kinda bored. It is a Saturday night". Then they're a Kirsten. Her husband gets an injury from trying to protect himself and her. Kirsten twists her bloody ankle trying to run away. But who's worse? There's also the useless husband with a shotgun and an endless supply of ammo -- well, not endless, but enough to do the job, man. The end result is that we don't really care for the characters, rending the film flat, aiming only to supply the scares.

Monstrous Mothers

2008-09-02T05:33:00.000-07:00

Mothers in horror films

Right, this isn't a blog post celebrating the beautiful, the brave, the strong nor the plain wicked awesome. So, sorry to disappoint, but you wont be finding Sarah Conner's bulging biceps rippling through this post. And don't even expect the Alien Queen to be making an appearance -- she's far too badass! Nope, this space is dedicated for the downright deranged, wicked and generally fuckin' scary;

Psycho
Norman Bates was so severely affected by his Mother, that after her death he began donning the Granny-fashion, adopting her voice and her mannerisms -- which includes murdering young woman and anyone threatening to destroy his Mummy delusion. Oh yeah, he also keeps her crusty ol' corpse in her favourite rocking chair. Ah, family love.

Carrie
Piper Laurie's uber freaky performance as Margaret White makes Sissy Spacek's Carrie all the more poignant, and provides a deeper sense of hopelessness. Margaret White is a dominating figure; an obsessive, religious nut who deems her daughter's telekinetic powers stem from the devil. When her daughter finally stands against her and skedaddles to the Prom with that stud, Tommy Ross, Margaret is home, thinking of the many ways a nutcase like herself can help her daughter. . .

I mean, look how fucking gleeful she looks with a knife!

A Nightmare on Elm Street
Okay, so specifically speaking, Marge Thompson isn't deranged nor is she wicked. BUT, while her daughter is trying to survive against Freddy Krugger, she keeps her mouth shut, watching as Nancy slowly falls to pieces. She also keeps Freddie's glove i.e. the fuckin' murder weapon hidden in her basement.

Brain Dead AKA Dead Alive
Even though I haven't seen Peter Jackson's gore fest in years (yes, really), I still have the disgusting image of a decomposing Vera Cosgrove ingrained in my lousy mind. After getting bitten by a rat monkey, the dominating Momma slowly becomes one of the living dead. Watch as her poor son, Lionel runs around, trying to protect Mummy dearest and keep her sedated with drugs until, inevitably, all hell breaks loose.

Sleepaway Camp
Oh, c'mon, even if you didn't like this film (and why the hell not!?), how the fuck can you forget the ending? I thought I had the entire plot sussed, and then that happened. And we can all thank Aunt Martha and her fabulous idea for that body count!

Friday the 13th
Pamela Voorhees is the undistributed Queen of the Terror-Moms. After her son Jason 'drowned' at Camp Crystal Lake, courtesy of a bunch of horny teenagers, the camp lay in abandonment. When several new councilors return, Pamela takes revenge, killing them off in bloody fashion. Freakiest moment; Mrs Voorhees' imitates her deceased son's voice; "Kill her, Mommy! Kill her! Don't let her get away, Mommy! Don't let her live!"

Nope, she's not pickin' her teeth, you dope! Nothing brings a wider grin to a Terror-Mom's face than something sharp an' shiny . . .

Movie Review: Ginger Snaps

2008-08-25T16:46:00.000-07:00

Ginger Snaps (2000)

“Hey, remember that film we watched, and it had that chick who, like turns into some kinda funky-looking rabbit?”
“No. That was a werewolf.”

Urgh. Unfortunately, that was an actual exchange between a friend and I, who I’m convinced, was smoking a big bunch of drugs while we were watching Ginger Snaps. I actually hope she was because OMG then I’d have to reassess her as a person otherwise.

I mean, Ginger Snaps is a fuckin’ effective little film. And by referring to it as ‘little’ I by no means intend to sound dismissive or disrespectful – quite the opposite actually. Yes, it’s a fairly low budget, bloody affair with a tight-knit cast. But, I’ll make a bold (stupid) manoeuvre and say that’s the type of horror film I enjoy; low budget with a relatively unknown cast. I like to see the Director work beyond budget constraints, and effects that aren’t CGI, but solid Goddamn matter. I like to see a small cast become the faces of their characters – not some dork that looks like Tom Cruise, acts like Tom Cruise and oh, “Jesus Christ on a bicycle” (as Ginger’s mum would say) -- it is Tom Cruise! I just can’t sink into a proper film that way.

Snagged from the Official website;

The Fitzgerald sisters Ginger (Katharine Isabelle) and Brigitte (Emily Perkins), fascinated by the macabre, have sworn an oath: "Out by sixteen, or dead in the scene, but together forever". Outsiders at school, their only friends being each other, they live in a querulous world of their own. When they set out to take revenge on a girl who wronged them, Ginger is attacked by a wild animal: The Beast of Bailey Downs. Later that night, as Ginger's wounds miraculously heal, it is clear she is changing. Ginger wants to believe it is nothing more than the onset of puberty; but her sister Brigitte knows better . . .

Le sigh . . . I have something to admit, and I’m not proud of it. I first saw Ginger Snaps at a sleepover. Yes, a sleepover. And it was utter crap. Even before the opening credits (which are fantastic) had, well, ‘opened’, the film was drowned out by giggling and a barrage of anecdotes (okay, probably led by me), and we were playing dares before the end credits had rolled. My point is – and yes, I do have one, is that Ginger Snaps is not your typical horror film, far less a typical werewolf film. There is very little focus on mythology, and instead the creature which Ginger gradually evolves into is nothing short of an effective, disturbing metaphor for puberty. It's an intelligent very adult flick, making you cringe one moment and giggle the next -- just listen to Mother Fitzgerald's advice when she discovers Ginger's nemesis buried under the shed; "First thing tomorrow, I'll let the house fill up with gas and I'll light a match . . ." Ha! Pamela is freaky, but totally awesome! You kinda wonder where the girls get it all from . . .

But, I'm not going to say much more than this; the narrative is simple, but effective, terrifying and simultaneously heartbreaking. But I will say this;

Is it odd that I still find Ginger attractive, even in her "wolfy" phase?

Yeah . . .

Go watch the trailer!

Oh the horror blog

2008-08-20T02:19:00.000-07:00

So . . . is an introduction necessary?